Kate tried to kill this poor 2007 Year End Meme by not propagating it. Luckily, I'm the Chairman of the Board of Directors for the Meme Rescue League.
1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? Averaged 50 MPG on a tank of gas.
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Um, I might've said something about losing weight and getting in better shape and, no, I so didn't do that. But hey, look at the bright side! I don't have to think of a new resolution for this year!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Good lord, are you kidding? My family is cranking out babies like there's a fire sale at the baby store. My cousins Kim and Kristin both had babies and my cousin Kara is now pregnant again.
4. Did anyone close to you die? My niece Laura passed away in June from complications related to Lupus. She was 40. That was way too fuckin' young to die.
5. What places did you visit? My spiritual homeland, Key West. New York City twice (Valentine's Day weekend and then TartFest).
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? Mo' Money.
7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Hmmmm. Can't really say anything happened that was sufficiently memorable to rise to the "Date Etched Into My Memory" category.
8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year? Got a promotion at work. Made brown belt.
9. What was your biggest failure? Letting my weight get within 8 oz. of Two Hundred Twenty fucking pounds. Really, what the fuck, Self?
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Do hangovers count?
11. What was the best thing you bought? Best thing I bought? Definitely the Prius.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Al Gore. Gore-El nabs the No-bel. Go get 'em, big guy.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi.
14. Where did most of your money go? Interest on our two mortgages. I don't think there's a close second either.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Joba Fucking Chamberlain. I swear there were nights when I got wood watching that kid pitch.
16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Here It Goes Again by OKGo. Greatest video ever made and just a kick-ass tune. The kind of song I put on when I absolutely need to be happy Right Now.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder? About the same, actually. See question 7.
b) thinner or fatter? Oh, just fuck off, OK?
c) richer or poorer? Richer. And I feel like we've finally got a handle on our debt and our finances generally.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Cycle, hike, and exercise generally. Read more books.
(Kate says: i just realized there's no question number 19. how odd.)
(Toast says: Kind of obvious to me from #18 what #19 should have been, so I'll add it.)
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Drink to excess. Sit in front of the goddamned computer for hours even when I've completely run out of reasons to do so. Swear. I'm so fucking sick of how much I swear. Oh, and getting into pointless arguments. Less of that, please.
20. How did you spend Christmas last year? Last year? You mean this year? This is a 2007 meme, after all. Still 5 hours and 20 minutes left. Anyhow, I spent it at home with my wife, mother and mother-in-law. Later, my brother-in-law and his wife (Tracy's best friend) and kid came over to hang out. It was fun. I wish I remember what the fuck happened later in the evening. (See first item on #19.)
21. Did you fall in love in 2007? I'm actually going to crib Kate's answer: "fall in love? no. wake up every day still in love? yes."
22. How many one-night stands? OK, who wrote this thing?
23. What was your favorite TV program? Battlestar Galactica.
24. What did you do for your birthday in 2007? Gave out candy to roving bands of small children. Had a freakishly astonishing dinner prepared by my beloved and talented wife.
25. What was the best book you read? The Physics of Baseball.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Lifehouse. I had downloaded a couple of singles -- Hanging By A Moment and First Time -- and loved them, so I caved and bought an album. Fucking loved it. Bought another. Loved it too. Great songwriting and just a kick-ass sound. Favorite new band of the year.
27. What did you want and get? A pet! My new bird! Who's a cute baby budgie? Who's a cute baby budgie?! (looks left) You are!
28. What did you want and not get? A Home Equity Credit Line.
29. What was your favorite film of this year? 300. Kick. Ass. Must own on DVD.
30. Did you make some new friends this year? I think so, but since she's a "work" friend I'm not sure that counts.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Impeachment proceedings. Of course, those are "off the table". Fucking morons.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Fat Mafia Guy. Seriously, I have discovered the joy of track pants. I am not proud of this.
33. What kept you sane? My wife, as always. She is my pole star in a world of chaos and discontent.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I fancied Julianne Hough a lot.
35. What political issue stirred you the most? Well, as with any year with Bush in the White House, there are too many to choose from, but if pressed I'd have to go with the Democrats giving that retarded piece of shit everything he wanted on warrantless wiretapping. Motherfucker should have been impeached and then imprisoned over that, and instead the Dems bent over and gave him the ol' "Thank You Sir May I Have Another!?!?!?"
36. Who did you miss? I'd have to go with VMH. Sucks having him all the way out in Arizona. Of course, now he's moving to friggin' China. Nice, dude.
37. Who was the best new person you met? Does my bird count?
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. Sometimes you just gotta say "What the Fuck"? Seriously, if you were on my project, you'd understand.
I tag everyone who reads this. I'm not kidding, either. If you read this and don't complete it afterwards, your 2008 is going to fucking suck.
Update: People whose 2008's will not suck: Chemist, Maurinsky, Mike, Kona, Tracy, Angelos, Michelline, John Howard, Furious, Chris Howard...
Tags: memes
My oh my. Digby has a doozy of a post up today in response to the news that a group of asshole busybodies will be meeting next week to hector the Democratic and Republican (cough-bullshit!-cough) candidates for not being "bipartisan" enough. The group, led by former Senator David L. Boren (D-OK), is making noises that they might put their wallets and their no-doubt massive intellectual firepower behind a Bloomberg third-party run that would stress the need for "national unity". You should absolutely go read every word Digby has to say on this. It's one of her best posts in some time. (And, btw, her post makes a nice companion piece to Lambert's post at Corrente that I pointed you to the other day and which of course you read because I told you to.)
The arrogance of these shit-for-brains pindicks is just astonishing. Here are a couple of Boren's more choice comments:
"It is not a gathering to urge any one person to run for president or to say there necessarily ought to be an independent option. But if we don't see a refocusing of the campaign on a bipartisan approach, I would feel I would want to encourage an independent candidacy."
..
"Our hope is that the candidates will respond with their own specific ideas about how to pull the country together, not just aim at getting out their own polarized base. But we will have a couple months before the nominees will be known, and we can judge in that time what their response will be."
..
"Electing a president based solely on the platform or promises of one party is not adequate for this time," Boren said. "Until you end the polarization and have bipartisanship, nothing else matters, because one party simply will block the other from acting."
Well isn't that... isn't that conveeeeeeeeeeeenient?
Ain't it just surpassin'ly strange how, with a fairly strong field of Democratic contenders that -- like 'em or not -- looks ready to whoop ass on whatever knuckledragging fuck emerges from the Republican's travelling freakshow, now everyone suddenly needs to get with the Bipartisan 'Murkan Unification And Sloppy Political Reach-Around Program? What a shock.
Tell me: If the current polls gave any indication that the Republicans were going to hold onto the White House next year, do you think we'd be hearing this particular call to arms? Yeahno, I don't think so either. The truth is, January of 2009 will probably see a Democrat in the White House and a considerably larger Democratic majority in both houses of Congress and that freaks all these phony-ass "centrists" and LieberDems straight the fuck out.
My response to anyone who opens their mouth about the need to come together around the campfire and hold hands will be consistent through 2008:
Take your Unity and shove it straight up your platform.
The problem with America isn't that it's too divided. The problem is that one side of that divide has been calling the shots for way too goddamned long, they've fucked everything up, and we need to rout their asses come November.
Update: Wait, I thought I was done but I'm not. We can't elect a president based solely on the platform of one party? The candidates need to focus on being "bipartisan"? What the fuck does any of that even mean? How would that even work? The entire point of an election is to give voters choices. If the Democratic and Republican candidates -- whoever they wind up being -- hit the trail saying:
"I don't want this election to be about my beliefs or ideological convictions or policy preferences. What's important is that I love my opponent and I want everyone to be friends."
Where the hell would that leave us in the voting booth?
Honestly, the longer I think about this the more pissed off it gets me. Stupid, stupid, stupid people.
Tags: partisanship, David Boren, Michael Bloomberg
I mentioned this in comments on the Saturday Anti Couch™ but since I've seen the same thing now in TV ads for two additional companies I think it bears repeating:
"24 x 7 x 365" is really stupid shorthand for "all the time".
The phrase "24 x 7" - which has been around quite a while now - does a pretty good job of conveying "all the time". Because days 1 through 7 are inveitably followed by another series of days 1 through 7 - and so on and so on - if you want a catchy way to indicate "always", "24 x 7" has you covered, well, 24 x 7. Sadly, though, that's not enough for some people. They want us to know they're not just talking 24 hours a day and 7 days a week but also 365 days a year. All well and good. You want to be a workaholic, knock yourself out. But do you see the problem? By going with "24 x 7 x 365" you mangle the progression. Rather than going hours -> days -> [Larger Unit of Temporal Measurement], you wind up with a skipping of the conceptual record that looks like hours -> days days.
What to do. You could go with the somewhat clunky "24 x 7 x 52". Or you just cut out the middle man and do "24 x 365" which kinda has a bit of a bad-ass vibe, I think. Personally, I'd tell people I'm here 360 x 360. But that's just me.
Tags: 24x7x365, stupid advertising crap
This is the second blog post I've run across in as many days that contains the word "whinging" in a context that suggests the writer means "whining". I'd seen this once or twice in the past as well, and it got me wondering what the hell was going on. Was this some sort of common typo? Was it a common typo that had caught on, meme-like, and people were deliberately propagating it? Was it a snarky neologism meaning "right-wing whining"?
None of the above. It's a real word, albeit one mostly used by Brits. It's synonymous with whining. It contains all the same letters as whining. But it's got that weird "g" in there.
I am completely non-plussed by this. What's the point of the "g"? And when spoken, is it silent?
Tags: language
7:30 PM: Mike Nugent! Field Goal! Jets beat the Chiefs! J! E. t. s. Jets jets jets? On the one hand, all this win does is drop us down in the draft order. On the other hand... Well, Herm Edwards is standing on the other sideline. So there's that.
2:05 PM: Well, I can't say the Patriots never gave me anything. This morning, a spiffy new sheet of bird-cage liner arrived at the foot of our driveway.
12:55 PM: The final week of the regular season is upon us. Today's lineup has Jacksonville at Houston on CBS and New Orleans at Chicago on FOX at 1:00 PM, followed by Pittsburgh at Baltimore on CBS at 4:00 PM. Note that late game well. With the Patriots having played last night and neither Pittsburgh nor Baltimore qualifying as teams of regional interest, CBS has still decided to stay away from Chiefs at Jets. That's how far the Jets have fallen.
Hell, I guess I should consider it a tender mercy.
Frankly, I'll be glad to see Gang Green hang 'em up for the year. This has been the worst season for me as a fan by far. I've suffered through seasons where the team was derailed by key injuries, and I've had my hopes dashed in years where they exceeded expectations only to fall back to Earth in the playoffs, but I've never had such high hopes only to have the team suck -- and suck consistently -- for an entire season and for no easily discernible. The Jets' performance this year just boggles the mind. Go thou into the off-season, Men of the Meadowlands. Contemplate your flaws, meditate on your failures, and return to me next year a changed team.
Tags: NFL
Andrew Sullivan, commenting on the Times' (egregiously awful) decision to hire Bill Kristol as a regular columnist (emphasis mine):
[I]deologically, having both David Brooks and Bill Kristol as the sole representatives of the right-of-center is to focus on a very small neocon niche in a conservative world that is currently exploding with intellectual diversity and new currents of thought.
Oh, yes. For sure, when I think of conservatives, "intellectual diversity" is what springs to mind. On economic policy, right-wing thought ranges from wanting corporations and the wealthy to pay very little in taxes to having them pay none at all. On foreign policy, conservatives are divided on whether to nuke Iran or settle for attacking them with conventional weapons. And on the home front, 'Wingers can't decide whether gays and lesbians should be prohibited from getting married or prohibited from existing.
Truly, modern conservatism is a spectacular festival of competing ideas and worldviews. Puh-leaze.
Tags: Andrew Sullivan, conservatism
I am not at the Giants vs. Patriots game. Neither is Fridge, for that matter. Funny thing happened on the way to the Meadowlands. First, the douche on StubHub who was supposed to provide the tickets reneged, no doubt in order to fetch a higher price in the bidding frenzy among Pats fans. The replacement seats Fridge got weren't near as good, and while pondering this the following series of thoughts cascaded through my cranium: "Three hour drive - $25 parking - $8 Budweisers - Crappy seats - Three hour drive home, ending at 3:00 AM - All so I can be there in person to watch the friggin' Patriots complete their perfect regular season?"
I bailed.
Instead of suffering through all that, I'll be ignoring the Pats historic achievement from the warmth and comfort of my own living room, drinking far more cheaply, watching a movie and getting to bed at a reasonable hour. Unless I happen to glance down at the laptop and see an upset in the making, in which case you can bet your ass I'll tune in to watch Team Evil's dreams come crashing down.
Oh, and Fridge bailed as well. He ended up selling the tickets and plans to buy an iPod with the proceeds.
Tags: NFL
Executive Summary: Without a doubt one of the most bizarre, off-beat movies I've ever seen.
Thoughts: I went into this movie fully expecting it to be your typical high-school geek comedy. You know the drill: Catalog the bumbling exploits of the lovable loser misfit nerd who prevails in the end. And this was just like that. Expect that it totally wasn't.
Start with the lead character. Has there ever been an antihero who's been more anti than this? He's physically repulsive down to the last detail (in this case, the sneering mouth that hangs perpetually half open). He's an irritable dick seemingly devoid of self-awareness or anything resembling a sense of humor. Oh, and for most of the film he shows not a lick on any observable talent at anything. He even sucks playing tetherball against himself. This is not a character you can get behind. I knew a lot of dorky misfits in high school and they all had some redeeming value. When Napoleon gets shoved into his locker by a passing jock, I was sitting there thinking "Heh. Good!"
To a lesser extent, this was true of pretty much every character in the movie. They were all odd and off-putting in varying degrees. Pedro, who Napoleon befriends and then assists in his quest to become class president, was the most "normal" person in the film, and yet he was this weirdly listless dude who almost seemed to drift through the movie. Napoleon's brother is a flat-out freak who constantly seems like he's about to come on to Uncle Rico until you meet his girlfriend LaFawnduh Lucas, a ghetto mama who is, in a way, more of a man than Rico will ever be. Rico was recognizable as the Loser Has-Been and Deb was a standard-fare Awkward Girl, but even these customary archetypes have these odd angles that leave you thinking "Whuuuh?"
The movie that comes to mind as a useful contrast is Little Miss Sunshine. That movie, too, was populated by a cast of flawed misfits, but the point of that film was to gradually expose to you their underlying humanity. Such moments are not only omitted in Napoleon Dynamite, they are aggressively avoided. I'm left to assume that's the point the film's trying to make: We're not all recognizable characters and we don't necessarily share an accessible core of humanity. If so, well, um, point taken. I guess.
None of which is to say the movie doesn't have its charms, as well as plenty of hilarious moments. In fact, having watched it last night, I'm already getting the sense it's one of those films that will grow on me in retrospect, becoming paradoxically more memorable as it recedes in memory*. Just sitting eating dinner with Tracy tonight and talking about it, I was surprised at how many quirky moments came back to us handily. The "time machine". Napoleon properly identifying the milk with bleach in it. ("Yessssss!") The opening scene on the bus. ("What are you going to do today, Napoleon?" "DUH! Whatever I want to do!") And of course the dance scene that provides the movie's climax, which was frankly spellbinding. (I mean, I never expected him to be good, did you?)
I'll say this in closing: As bizarre as this movie was, I was thoroughly wrapped up in it. The very oddness of it -- the weird mix of superficially familiar movie tropes and absolute novelty -- made it quite riveting. In fact, despite those three less-than-enthusiastic paragraphs above, I find that I have to recommend this movie to anyone who hasn't already seen it.
Rating:
Tags: Napoleon Dynamite
I've gone on record a few times in recent months with my feelings (very negative) about what has come to be known as Barack Obama's "Kumbaya" schtick. That would be his recurring stump themes of "transcending the bitter partisan divide" and whatnot. I feel very strongly that this is exactly the wrong note to be sounding heading into the thick of the primaries and, quite soon, the general election. I think it's a recipe for disaster even if he does win, because it lets the rats responsible for our current political reality escape underground to lick their wounds and recuperate. I haven't really made the case for this position, however. Mainly because I feel that, if you've been paying attention since the coup in 2000 -- and certainly if you've been paying attention since the Republican takeover of Congress in 1994 -- that case should be self-evident by now. Also because I'm lazy.
Well, good news: If you're one of those who is tempted by Obama's soaringly empty rhetoric about "transformative" politics, today is your lucky day. Lambert, over at Corrente, has written a dissertation-length post that utterly demolishes Obama's flimsy post-partisan posturing. It cuts the stump right out from under the speech. More than that, it's a handy Brief History of Movement Conservatism for those who have never taken the time to immerse themselves in the long and sordid tale of how that coordinated coalition of self-interested scumbags took over our country and dismantled FDR's dream.
What Obama doesn't seem to "get" is the implacable nature of that movement and the absolute incompatibility of their goals with anything approaching a truly progressive vision for America's future. You can't "reach out" to the Roves, Norquists, and DeLays of the world. You can only (figuratively) punch them in the face and kick them in the nuts until they fall down, at which point you put your boot on their neck and step on it hard.
There's a real chance in the next few election cycles to have that moment of reckoning, and when it comes we're not going to want a Democrat in charge who's offended by partisan conflict and desperately wants to make nice.
(h/t: Avedon)
Tags: Obama, Krugman, partisanship
At left, the newest member of the Toast household, our as-yet-unnamed parakeet. I'm thinking of going with "Greenie" because 1.) As you can see it's his predominant color, and 2.) If we ever decided to get another one to keep him company, we could name it "Golic".
It's been an interesting couple of days for this little guy. New home, new cage, new people peering in and talking to him. It took almost a full day before he moved away from the center of the top perch in the cage and started chirping and exploring. Being a complete novice at this, I have no idea how long it can take a bird to acclimate to its new surroundings.
Right now, I'm just trying to get him used to having my hands around the cage -- this can still freak him out quite a bit -- to say nothing of in it. According to this site, that's the progression: Get them used to your hands outside the cage, then inside the cage, and then when they finally let you touch them without getting wigged, you can train them to step onto your finger and come outside. This will be an interesting exercise in patience for me, a characteristic which, I'm sure you've guessed, I'm not long on. Of course, if any of you are experienced with owning/taming birds, your insights would be much appreciated.
I'm hoping I can do some video bird blogging soon. Right now, he* doesn't do a whole lot. He'll tweet for a couple minutes, but then just kind of sit quietly, often for hours at a stretch. Hasn't started playing with the toy or the swing yet. Again, I assume he's adjusting to all the newness. Rest assured, as soon as there's action to report, I'll be on the case.
Tags: parakeet
Time to blog the Haul. Gotta do it. I mean, what would X-Mas day be without blogging all the stuff we got? All those earnest paeans to family and friends and warmth, that's all good. But you know damned well X-Mas is about the stuff. That's the American way, bitches. Deal with it.*
To Toast | To Tracy |
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Tags: X-Mas
7:58 PM: Somehow, Tracy does not appreciate the irony of Mr. Crowley as an X-Mas Eve song.
6:56 PM: Delivery for dinner. Tracy's having salad, I'm having wings. People's Choice rules. Currently enjoying a Diet Coke and a small nip of Bowmore Islay malt. No, not mixed together you sick fucks. Geddy is lecturing me that tough times demand tough talk, demand tough hearts, demand tough songs, demand.
6:27 PM: Upstairs toilet is sparkling clean. Also, Peter Wolf just informed me that there is a Rage in the Cage.
6:18 PM: Laundry is all put away. Tracy is downstairs wrapping my presents. I am playing Mah Jong and waiting 15 minutes for the toilet bowl cleaner to do its thing. Drinking a Saint Bridget's Porter from Great Divide Brewing. Verrruh Niiiice. Eschewing the X-Mas mix since we'll be listening to it tomorrow, I've got iTunes in jukebox mode with AC/DC's Hell or High Water blasting. I have no idea how the hard rock is sitting with the wife on X-Mas Eve. I guess I'll just wait and see if she asks me to can it...
5:12 PM: Tracy's home (actually got home around an hour ago). The egg nog and Captain is flowing.
3:35 PM: Third and final load of laundry is in the dryer. Second load is ready to be put away. Kitchen table is clean. Drinking a Dogfish Head India Brown Ale, a very fine brew which I may even sit down and review this evening if the wife deems my chores complete.
2:51 PM: Oh, and that gift I called about this morning? It arrived.
2:50 PM: And we're back! A little Subway action for lunch (6" Spicy Italian), returned a bunch of beer empties, stocked up on wine & beer for tomorrow, picked up a replacement battery for the cordless phone, grabbed some last-minute groceries, and got Tracy's X-Mas card. We now resume our regularly-scheduled household activities.
12:38 PM: First load of laundry put away. Time to run some errands and grab lunch.
12:14 PM: Finished wrapping Tracy's presents. (WOO HOO!!!) Second load of laundry to dryer, third load laundry into washer, first load upstairs ready to be put away. First beer of day opened and partially consumed. (Hey, I waited until after noon. Yay me!)
10:53 AM: Dusted off dining room "pantry" (not an actual pantry, but rather a piece of furniture - don't worry, it confuses me too) and cleared dining room table in preparation for gift wrapping. Located wrapping paper and bows. Waiting on suggested locations of gift tags from Remote Home Assistance Representative (i.e. Tracy).
10:20 AM: An X-Mas present for my geeky friends: The Top 10 Astronomy Pictures of 2007. (As voted on by the astronomer who owns that website, at least). I cropped a hi-res version of #1 to use as my new desktop wallpaper at home. It is Bee-yoooo-ti-ful. (h/t: Avedon)
10:00 AM: Emptied dishwasher. First load of laundry to dryer, second load into washer. Cleaned up last night's dishes, including the sad detritus of a failed attempt to make penuche. Listened to Science Talk podcast. Time for a fifteen minute break.
9:25 AM: Emptied wallet of Giant Receipt Wad and updated Quicken while listening to Marketplace Morning Report podcast.
9:10 AM: Called ________ to see if the last of Tracy's X-Mas presents would be delivered today. Sounds like about 50/50 odds.
9:00 AM: Showered, shaved, dressed. First load of laundry in the washer. "Whoa, wait, what's this" you ask? Well, with about 1,000,000 things to take care of today, I figured I'd do a little X-Mas Eve live-blogging diary. Reasons being A.) I know I'm going to be tempted to sit down and blog some time today, and yet I know I won't have the time to do so in any organized, purposeful fashion, and B.) Keeping track of what I've gotten done will maybe help keep me focused.
Tags: X-Mas Eve
'Ello, Peeps, and welcome to Week - wait, let me check - uh, Week 16 of the NFL season and the TwoGlasses Virtual Couch™. Sorry, I'm a little swimmy after the annual Toast family X-Mas get-together yesterday. Need more coffee. Also, more water. I feel like one of those little styrofoam dodecahedrons that the aliens from the Andromeda galaxy reduced the crew of the Enterprise to in that original series episode. Don't lie, you know what I'm talking about.
So it looks like Tony Romo and the 'Boys won last night, although Mr. Romo's 257 yards and 1 passing TD didn't do much to help the wife's cause in her fantasy Superbowl. Be interesting to see if Green Bay keeps pace with Dallas today. Maybe it's just the Hater in me talking, but I still think either of those teams have a shot to upset New England in the Superbowl. Which is a good thing because I don't think there's any team in the AFC that can do it. Except possibly the Colts, but my gut tells me that's an outside shot.
For our lineup today we've got... um, I actually have no idea, because I'm up in Massachussetts at the moment. I'm guessing no Jets as they play opposite the Plaguetriots at 4:15 PM. Probably Giants at 1:00 PM, although us being back to the Shire in time to catch that game is a dubious proposition as we've got a two-hour trip plus a stop at the mall to make today. Oh, thank FSM Tracy's driving...
Shmanyshmow, spike yourselves some eggnog, grab a Virtual Fleece Blanket if you need one, and make yourselves at home.
Tags: NFL
Having just returned from a preposterously crowded scene at Burlington mall, I thought I'd take a moment to share some tips with the walking-impaired so that, in the future, you might more easily get where you're going and I might avoid taking your life:
Do not enter into a flow of moving people until you know which way you want to go. Walking out into a thoroughfare and then coming to a dead stop while you gaze around figuring out what to do next is not acceptable behavior.
Once you are moving along, try to maintain some semblance of smooth, purposeful progress. Think of your body the way you'd think of driving a car. If you're driving down Main St. in traffic at 40 MPH you wouldn't suddenly come to a stop and back up or turn around, would you? Don't do it when you're walking either.
Following from that, please be aware of the speed of the people around you. There's no need for you to power-walk necessarily, but you might want to consider a certain minimum number of steps per minute. Something over, say, five.
In bi-directional traffic, try to stay to the right. Obviously, this is not as cut-and-dry as it is when driving, but you'd be surprised at what an effective rule of thumb it remains when on foot.
When coming up on another person in a narrow corridor -- say two person-widths across -- the civilized thing to do is to stay as far to your side as possible while they do the same. Maintaining your course down the center of the aisle doesn't make you an Alpha Dog; it makes you a fucking asshole.
Finally, I realize that many of you have children who accompany you on your shopping jaunts, and that this often requires the use of a stroller. Perfectly understandable up to a point. But if your stroller is the size of a Land Rover, you might wish to refrain from trying to pilot it deep into the narrow channels between department store clothes racks. Just sayin'.
There you go. A few handy guidelines I think we can all agree on. They're applicable outside the mall as well, in a wide variety of situations where we must perambulate in the same space. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Tags: walking
Well well well. Here we are in the penultimate week of the season, and the Shittsburgh Steeluhs are tied for the division lead with... Cleveland? Really? Wait, I'm sorry, but I don't remember giving the Browns permission to be a 9-and-5 team. Somebody has to correct that shit, and I believe somebody's name is Ben Roth-less-burger. Seriously, Steelers, let's see some fucking grit tonight. You kicked the shite out of these fools in week one, and yet here they are, taunting you, flipping you the bird in the standings, asking you "Are you fuh reel? Or is you just a pack of black-and-gold-clad jokers?" And guess what? I want an answer to the same question. I have a hard time rooting for Pittsburgh, but I need every fuckin' horse in the playoffs I can get in order to defeat the Plaguetriots, so I'd really like to get some goddamned sense that Big Ben and company are capable of standing up and kicking a little boo-tay.
Tags: NFL
OK, so Tracy knows this dude named Lee Stranahan. It's a memorable name, no? Well, it is for me, because I've been hearing stories about him for fucking years. Blah blah blah wicked smart, blah blah blah art blah media blah whatever. (Nodding off as wife talks about geeky high-school-era friend.)
Well I'll be damned. Dude was on CNN the other day. When Tracy relayed this to me this my first thought was "Oh, shit, don't tell me he became a serial killer."
Nope, that wasn't it at all. Turns out he's become an overnight internet sensation for a series of parody campaign videos that he's done. And really, it's understandable, the "sensation" part. You must go watch them all. Right now. Trust me, friends and readers, I'm not steering you wrong here. This is some funny fucking shit. The first one - the Huckabee ad - is worth the price of admission all by itself. Oh, and it's not just campaign stuff. He's got a Schoolhouse-Rock-ish one about the Iran NIE that's just priceless.
Go.
Go now.
Enjoy.
Tags: Lee Stranahan, funny fucking shit
Like puzzle pieces, the remaining vacation days fell into place, filling my calendar and eradicating work for the remainder of the year 2007. Starting now -- right now -- I am D-U-N done. Away from the office. On a little holiday sabbatical. "Responsibility" is out of the lexicon until 01-02-08. Yesirree, the Toastmaster General hereby issues a warning that Eggnog Deficiency is dangerous to your health, so fill up, peeps!
And on that note, the Last Thirteen from the X-Mas music playlist:
Thurl Ravenscroft - "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch" (How The Grinch Stole Christmas)
"You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile"Adolphe Adam & Al Green - "O Holy Night" (Now That's What I Call Christmas 3)
"For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn"Johnny Cash - "Blue Christmas" (Now That's What I Call Christmas 3)
"And when those blue snowflakes start falling
That's when those blue memories start calling"Twisted Sister & Lita Ford - "I'll Be Home For Christmas" (A Twisted Christmas)
"Christmas Eve will find me
Where the lovelight gleams"
(Note: Props to Lita for changing the lyrics to "And presents under the tree". 'Cause that's where presents actually go. Unless they're gift certificates.)Jessica Simpson - "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" (Now That's What I Call Christmas 3)
"Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night"Jingle Bell Rock - "Brenda Lee" (Now That's What I Call Christmas 3)
"What a bright time
It's the right time
To rock the night away"Christina Aguilera - "Merry Christmas, Baby" (Now That's What I Call Christmas 3)
Wow is this an annoying song. She's doing that stupid damned thing where she inserts eighty extra notes into every word, and it's driving me bonkers. I hate that.Paul McCartney - "Wonderful Christmastime" (Back to the Egg)
"The party's on
The spirit's up
We're here tonight
And that's enough"Karan Casey - "Angels We Have Heard On High" (A Christmas Celtic Sojourn)
"And the mountains in reply
Echoing their joyous strains"Jimmy Buffett - "Christmas Island" (Christmas Island)
"How'd ya like to hang a stocking on a great big coconut tree?"Judy Garland - "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" (Now That's What I Call Christmas 3)
"Make the Yule-tide gay"Mariah Carey - "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" (Now That's What I Call Christmas 3)
"Offspring of a Virgin's womb"
(Note: (snort!) Yeah, at least that's what she told Joseph.)Run-D.M.C. - "Christmas In Hollis" (A Very Special Christmas)
"It was December 24th on Hollis Ave in the dark
When I seen a man chilling with his dog in the park
I approached very slowly with my heart full of fear
Looked at his dog, oh my God, an ill reindeer
But then I was illin because the man had a beard
And a bag full of goodies, 12 o'clock had neared
So I turned my head a second and the man had gone
But he left his driver's wallet smack dead on the lawn
I picket the wallet up then I took a pause
Took out the license and it cold said 'Santa Claus'"
There you go. Like the stars? Nice, huh? New feature of the Poddery Barn. I rock.
And here's the P-Barn bonus Question: What's your favorite X-Mas song?
Don't Grinch out on me either with some B.S. about hating X-Mas music. You know you like it, and you know you have a favorite, so 'fess up. Hell, I'm a militant atheist and I love X-Mas music. Even the Jesus-y stuff.
My favorite? Have to go with Silent Night. Just a beautiful song. Makes me think of snowfall in the moonlight.
(Oh, and my least favorite? Dominick The Donkey. Seriously, "the Italian Christmas donkey"? That's the dumbest friggin' thing I've ever heard in my life.)
"Isn't it strange that, two hundred and twenty years after we wrote a Constitution that enshrined black slavery and forbid women from voting but upheld the right of a citizen to be judged equal to other people no matter what religion he practices, we seem ready to elect a black or female president, but not a president who doesn't tout his relationship with Jesus Christ?" -- Eve Fairbanks (from TNR's the Plank)
Tags: religion and politics
If you read one thing today, make it Eric Boehlert's depressingly insightful piece on how absolutely vapid the media's campaign coverage has become. Remember how the press used to be referred to as the Fourth Estate? It's a phrase that evokes grandness, prestige, and a certain depth of purpose. What ever became of that, anyhow? Why did our journalists abandon the estate en masse to become carny barkers for a 24x7 celebrity freakshow?
Tags: our pathetic media
Via Ezra Klein, a handy chart illustrating the mind-boggling rate at which Republicans are filibustering bills in Congress:
Yes, that's correct: They have set a new record for cloture votes less than halfway through the current term.
They. Are. Filibustering. Everything.
What's really sad is the missed opportunity for learning we've got here. If Harry Reid wasn't a spinless bag of dogshit, we could have forced the Republicans to read half the Library of Congress from the Senate podium by now.
Tags: Republicans, filibuster
From ESPN.com:
BOSTON -- Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling called on Roger Clemens to give up the four Cy Young Awards he's won since 1997 if he can't clear his name from allegations that he used steroids to prolong and enhance his career.
Hey, Curt, that Winter chill got your teeth chattering? How about a nice hot mug of Shut The Fuck Up? How would that sit in your ginormous gut? I'm tellin' ya, on a cold December day, there's nothing quite like a little STFU to warm your bones. It does a body good.
Really, how about this asshole? How has the Major League Baseball Players' Association not formed a special tactical squad to remove Curt Schilling's larynx? The fucking fat, bloody-sock-wearing douchebag can never let news of another baseball player's troubles slide by without hamming for the microphone and running his mouth about it. Especially if said player belongs to the Yankees. Ol' 38Pitches.com can never let that pass. The Emperor of Red Sox Nation has, for some reason, appointed himself Chief Bronx Analyst and Arbiter of All Things Yankee.
You know what, though? Something tells me that Roger Clemens doesn't give a wet fart about Curt Schilling's opinion on this issue. He's probably got more important things on his mind at the moment. He's probably wrestling with his conscience, rationalizing his actions, and fearing for his legacy. He might be the best pitcher in the history of the game, and he's worried that the Mitchell report will flush it all away. And I'm not even here to defend him. The jury's out on the Rocket and I'm content to wait for the deliberations to come to a conclusion. I'll tell you this, though: Matters will not be clarified by the emissions of a certain drama queen gasbag up in Beantown.
It's too bad eating eight bags of Doritos a day isn't illegal under MLB rules, because then we could all turn our backs on baseball's biggest loudmouth and shun him for all eternity. Fucking loser.
Tags: Curt Schilling, Roger Clemens, steroids, people who should shut the fuck up
4:05 PM: Well, maybe a minor moral victory there, but the bottom line is that the despicable freakshow from Hell that is the New England Patriots rolls on. It's all up to the Giants now. (Shudder)
1:54 PM: Touchdown! David Bowens returns a blocked punt! J! E! T! S! JETS! JETS! JETS! Notions that this game was going to be 70-0 Pats appear to have been a tad off-base.
1:13 PM: Wow, did that suck. I think we might need to see some Chad if the Jets are going to have any chance at all. Oh, and to the nice Pats fans behind the goal post holding up the "RAT" sign? Eat shit and die. Your coach is a cheating scumbag.
11:45 PM: You absolutely must go watch the masturbating kangaroo.
11:00 AM As a prelude to this week's Couch™ I direct your attention to the image at the right, which depicts the current status of the Mighty Nor'easter that is supposed to be kicking our ass and wreaking all sorts of havoc. Notice anything funny? Like, maybe the big hole in the middle? What the hell is that all about? I mean, I'm the über Bad-Ass now with my fearsome Ariens, so that could partly explain the snow staying away, but based on the visual evidence, the more accurate conclusion has to be that the storm is afraid of... Angelos.
The important thing, of course, is that the storm isn't afraid of Bill Belicheat. I need a whole lot of snow to be dumped on Fahxburruh, Massachussetts early this afternoon if my J-E-T-S are going to have a snowball's chance in hell of pulling off the Upset of the Century. And that is indeed what a Jets victory today would be. 27-point underdogs going into this game, everyone and their brother is predicting that the Jets are going to get utterly destroyed today. 'Cause, you know, Big Bad Bill is pissed that Eric Mangini outed him to the league as a cheating bastard.
Ain't that lovely? Belichick's going to paste the Jets today because they exposed him as a cheat. I ask you: Is there any more vomit-inducing spectacle on Earth than the Villain playing the Victim? I think not.
I know my guys don't have a chance today. Even if the weather mucks it up, our offensive line doesn't have the cohesiveness to enable Thomas Jones to run it up the Pats' gut all day, and our pass rush - while certainly improved - doesn't have the juice to pressure Brady all afternoon, and those are the two keys to hanging with the New England Plaguetriots.
But...
But...
Let me just say this: If the Jets... If they... If they somehow managed to derail the Perfect Season... Well, it would be the single greatest moment in my tenure as a fan. It would be just a hair shy of a Superbowl ring. No, actually it would be on par with a Superbowl ring. To stop this despicable team, to put a finger in Belicheat's eye, to besmirch their record-breaking season... Yeah, that would make my day, my week, my year. That would be the Greatest... Thing... EVUH.
Of course, it ain't happenin', so I'll just sit on the couch and watch my Jets get their collective ass handed to them and deal with the pain.
On to the Lineup! At 1:00 PM, CBS has the Spy Bowl while FOX has Bay of Green at Saint Louis. At 4:00 PM, FOX is showing... a football game. Seriously, that's all the Guide says, "NFL Football". Apparently, it's a surprise. Looking at the 4 o'clock games, I'm going to cross my fingers and wish for either Eagles at Cowboys or Colts at Raiders, either one of which should be an entertaining beat-down. Just please don't let them show Lions at Chargers. I hate Detroit.
Tonight, the 'Skins invade the Meadowlands to take on the Sketchiest 9-4 Team in History, and tomorrow evening features Da Bears versus Da Vikes.
And hey, peeps? I know that with Chris and Michelline voyaging at sea and various others out and about, the forecast calls for a Quiet Couch, but you know what? Fuck that noise. Let's rip shit up. It's Week 15 of the NFL season, and this is the Virtual Motherfuckin' Couch™!
Tags: NFL
...But does anyone know what the hell the "scary ghost stories" line in "Most Wonderful Time Of The Year" is all about? Because here in the Toast Household, we're flummoxed.
Tags: X-Mas music
I fucking love Andy Pettitte. Smeared by Mitchell's report on Thursday, this was his response:
"I had heard that human growth hormone could promote faster healing for my elbow. I felt an obligation to get back to my team as soon as possible. For this reason, and only this reason, for two days I tried human growth hormone. Though it was not against baseball rules, I was not comfortable with what I was doing, so I stopped.
"This is it - two days out of my life; two days out of my entire career, when I was injured and on the disabled list.
"If what I did was an error in judgment on my part, I apologize. I accept responsibility for those two days. Everything else written or said about me knowingly using illegal drugs is nonsense, wrong and hurtful. I have the utmost respect for baseball and have always tried to live my life in a way that would be honorable. I wasn't looking for an edge; I was looking to heal."
That is how you Man the fuck Up. To the idiot at the Daily News who said Pettitte was "just another drug cheat" and wasn't overly concerned with "morality", I say suck on that. Andy Pettitte is a good man.
Tags: Andy Pettitte
Tracy: "You need a new middle name."
Me: (Blank, woeful stare.)
Tracy: "'Moderation'. That needs to be your new middle name."
Me: "Mmmmph"
(Fuckin' Chili's. Triple-play appetizer platter. Rack of habanero ribs. Two-thirds of Tracy's dessert. Two hours later, one of which was spent sprawled on the couch napping, I still feel like I need to just go hurl.)
Tags: moderation
Kate is mildly retarded about memes, in that she doesn't seem to understand that they propagate by tagging people. But I am a hero, a rescuer of memes, and so I plucked this from her site in order to see that it is fruitful and multiplies.
The dealio is simple: Complete the thought.
I Never... Get lost - Cheat at anything - Intentionally harm anyone - Kill spiders - Forget a good beer - Take my marriage for granted - Leave the toilet seat up - Blow off a blog meme - Skip lunch - Bail on my teams, even when they suck real bad - Welch on a bet
I Rarely... Avoid an argument - Lose at Setback - Vote for Republicans - Admit I'm wrong - Am wrong - Work as hard as I should at anything - Bend the truth - Enjoy yard work - Live up to my expectations - Get over a grudge - Use people's names when it's clear I know who they are - Use my Palm Pilot anymore
I Cry... At the end of Star Trek II - At least once during any episode of Sports Night - When I imagine Tracy or I dying and never being able to talk to each other again - When UConn first made it to the Final Four - Whenever a movie or show evokes the theme of true Friendship - When I'm slicing onions - When I contemplate the motherfucking Patriots going undefeated - Whenever I see an amimal get hurt
I Am Not Always... Properly attentive to my woman's emotional state - Sober enough to function - In The Mood - As smart as I think I am - Paying attention to what you're saying - An opinionated jerk - The easiest person to deal with - Up to the task
I Lose... My mind whenever anything goes wrong with my computer - Track of what I was thinking a minute ago - At poker, because it's not about the cards, it's about the betting - My glasses, occasionally - My composure - My shit whenever I hear George Bush speaking - Small pieces of hardware that come with items I'm supposed to assemble
I'm Confused... By details - By CSI plots - When people misspeak because I'm very literal - When I'm hung over and trying to propagate a meme - By other people's reactions to my somewhat abrasive character - About why Oprah matters - About Republicans being able to filibuster without filibustering
I Miss... Sutters - My room at Phi Sig - Getting stoned - Ditch - My 2000 Eclipse GT - The old days when I could get absolutely fucking hammered and be good to go the next day - Overnight hiking trips - Skiing - Domino's
I Need... A drink - A hypoallergenic cat - A professional sports team that I root for to win a fucking Championship - A politician I can believe in - A better set of lungs - A Home Equity Credit Line - Not a lot, in the grand scheme of things
I Should... Lose about thirty pounds - Update my technical skills - Spend less time dorking out on the computer - Do more projects around the house - Fucking relax about money - Kick someone's ass - Figure out what to do with our three-season porch - Buy a new laptop - Take a shower
I Love... Tracy - My birds - My family - Single-malt Scotch Whiskey - My online peeps - Andrew W.K. - My iPod - My Mom - Football - Baseball - My house - Bacon - Getting drunk - Karate - Squirrels - Chinese food - iTunes - Bacon (yes, I know that's twice) - Tater Tot - My life - StinkEye the Starfish
And because I am not retarded but rather a Meme God, I shall tag... Fridge, Tracy (who should have a blog), Angle, Tart, Chemist, Kona, and of course the Howard Clan, who are endlessly entertaining.
Tags: memes
I have grown a bit tired of the whole Obama-as-the-anti-Hildebeast meme, which the Obama people have determined is the non-Oprah key to his current surge. Indeed, Obama's campaign has begun to make my skin crawl a little bit. The we-are-the-world optimism that not only blinds him to the fundamental corruption of the regime he hopes to replace, but also makes you wonder if he's the guy to come in and throw daylight into all the dark corners of the past seven years. The willingness to employ Republican storylines on Senator Clinton and, far more seriously, on Social Security in an apparent attempt to win the vital Green Room Primary in Washington and to appeal to mythical "moderates" who don't exist and won't vote for him anyway. If we're ever going to get past the depredations of the Bush Administration -- many of which, I guarantee you, are still deeply secret -- it is an insufficient remedy to declare that the "politics of division" are now over and we will now reunite under a banner and move forward together. In the first place, there already is a conservative attack machine in place that will nuke whoever a Democratic president is the moment he or she lifts a hand off the Bible. Moreover, there must be an accounting if the corruption is to be cleansed and the constitutional order restored. There is no way to do this without an angry, bloody, and, yes, political process. The next president's most critical function in the early days is not to make us all feel good about our country again. It is to be the head of an informal national Truth Commission. I'm not sure if Obama even wants this job.
Absolutely correct. There can be no forward progress until the right-wing scum who have laid us low for going on a decade and a half are held to account. No bright, happy future. No sunshine. No unity. Accountability first, and also punishment. Then we'll talk.
(h/t: Avedon)
Tags: Obama
Hey All. Fluffing up the Couch cushions for a little Thursday night action. Denver at Houston on tap this evening, a matchup of 6-7 teams each trying to get to .500. I'm pulling for the Texans. Not pulling hard, mind you, as my fantasy season is over and it's not like I care a ton about either of these teams, but pulling nonetheless. This is Houston's sixth year in the league and it'd be nice to see them notch their first winning record. Andre Johnson's fun to watch, too. Oh, who am I kidding, I'll be watching Survivor in all likelihood. Anyhow, see you in the comment thread.
Tags: NFL
The Mitchell Report has been released. What's your reaction?
Tags: baseball, steroids, Mitchell Report
Speaking of bullshit that corrupts our language and makes us dumber and cheaper for it, here's a piece of shitty news:
Paul Allen's Vulcan Inc., which owns both the Portland Trail Blazers and the Rose Garden Arena, said today it is selling the naming rights to name Portland's largest entertainment venue.
In a news release, the Blazers say they are already in talks with Portland area companies, as well as regional and national firms, with the goal of branding a new name on the 12-year-old Rose Garden Arena by next season.
The deal could be worth several million dollars a year of additional revenue for the Blazers, based on reports of other stadium naming deals in markets of similar size to Portland. The Trail Blazers are one of the few in the NBA without a stadium naming rights deal.
Man, if I were Dictator for a Day, "Naming Rights" would be on my short list of personal pet peeves to eradicate. For fuck's sake, Paul Allen is worth billions, but instead of letting Portland's only major pro sports arena have an actual name, he's going to auction it off to some asshole company so they can perpetuate the creeping thought pollution that takes the form of putting corporation names in front of every location and event in the world of sports and entertainment. Absolutely disgusting.
Tags: Blazers, naming rights
Via Mr. Furious, the most disturbing thing I've read all week:
SPRINGFIELD, Mass. - Expect cheers among hardcore online game enthusiasts when they learn Merriam-Webster's Word of the Year. Or, more accurately, expect them to "w00t."
"W00t," a hybrid of letters and numbers used by gamers as an exclamation of happiness, topped all other terms in the Springfield dictionary publisher's online poll for the word that best sums up 2007.
Furious' response to this news -- "The 'Word of the Year' needs to actually be a fucking word" -- was succinct and to the point. But after last week's little l33t-related tiff on the Couch, I'm feeling a burning need to elaborate.
There's a Line out there. It's the line between self expression and being fucking stupid. Piercing your ears, eyebrows, nose, lip or belly button? Self expression. Piercing your tongue, clit, or scrotum? Fucking stupid. Wearing an oversized baseball hat with a flat brim? Self expression. Wearing it with the price tag still on it? Fucking stupid. Wearing a wool cap 'cause it's "gangsta"? Self expression. Wearing that same wool hat in July when it's 95° out? Fucking stupid. Wearing a hoodie with baggy pants? Self expression. Wearing said pants down around your knees? Fucking stupid.
That's the nugget of this: "l33t" is the linguistic equivalent of sagging your pants. It's not mere slang, it's an impractical and pernicious corruption of language itself. When you wear pants around your friggin' knees, they're no longer doing what pants are supposed to do. When you take freak typos and text-message shorthand and elevate them to "word" status, you cheapen the idea of language itself. This shit is "language" to about the same degree that gang signs are. Cheap. Primitive. Stupid.
So let's get a few things straight:
If you use "pwn" to mean "own", you're fucking stupid.
If you spell "woot" with zeroes, you're not being cute, you're being fucking stupid.
If you use "teh" instead of "the" -- even if you think you're being ironic or you think it's some cool little insider tic -- you're being. Fucking. Stupid.
Some might say I'm playing a part in the Oldest Generational Game In Town: Curmudgeonly adults railing against whatever annoying thing the kids are doing now.
That's fair. That's fine. I can understand that. But it's also wrong.
L33t must die. It must go away. You know I'm right. Don't be part of the problem. Be part of the solution.
Tags: l33t, things people do that are fucking retarded
Tomorrow, a little appetizer:
The National Weather Service in Taunton has issued a Heavy Snow Warning... which is in effect from 1 PM to 11 PM EST Thursday. The Winter Storm Watch is no longer in effect.
A short duration but high impact snowfall will affect northern Connecticut and Rhode Island Thursday afternoon into Thursday evening. Snow accumulations of 6 to 10 inches are likely... with most of the snow falling in a 6 hour period.
Snow is expected to develop around noon in the Connecticut valley... spreading east into Rhode Island during the early afternoon. The snow will quickly become heavy at times and snowfall rates may reach 1 to 3 inches per hour for a time during the late afternoon and early evening. This will have a major impact on the evening rush hour as the heaviest snow and lowest visibilities will be during this time.
Sunday? The main course:
All of the major computer models forecast that a major winter storm will track across the Ohio Valley on Saturday, then explode into a powerful 'Noreaster Sunday off the U.S. northeast coast. Heavy snow amounts of 1-2 feet and significant ice accumulations are possible in inland regions of the Northeast. Rain appears to be the most likely type of precipitation at locations nearer the coast, such as Philadelphia, New York City, and Boston. It is too early to be confident of this forecast, since minor changes in the storm's track will greatly influence the type of precipitation. Minor to moderate coastal flooding is possible along the coast from New York City to Maine on Sunday.
I stand ready to blow some serious snow.
Tags: snow
Ladies and Gentlemen, our 2007 X-Mas tree! Sorry if the pic's a little washed out. I tried shooting it without the flash and it came out horribly blurry. Oh, the detail callout shows my favorite ornament.
Tags: X-Mas
5:26 PM: Theoretically, it's possible that some future football team could be more despicable than the 2007 Patriots. You have to really stretch your imagination to accommodate that idea though...
1:08 PM: Whoops. Angelos just pointed out that the "Meh" Bowl is tomorrow night. Tonight's game is the considerably more interesting Colts at Ravens.
12:00 PM: It always amuses the shit out of me when I'm flipping through the on-screen guide on Sunday morning and I see that ESPN follows up two hours of breathless football discussion with... bowling. I mean, do you honestly think anyone at the network actually watches that particular block of programming on Sunday afternoons during NFL season? Aside from the people directly involved in producing it? Spare me.
Anyhow, let's get down to business. Time to fluff up the cushions, put out some appetizers, and get the beer (and eggnog) flowing. It's Week 14 of the NFL season. Grab a seat on the Virtual Couch™ and make yourselves at home.
There was a brief period at the start of the season, following their 34-7 drubbing of the Browns and 26-3 smackdown of the Bills, when the Pittsburgh Steelers looked like they might be one of the league's "elite" teams, on par with New England, Indy, and Dallas. Losses to the Cardinals and Jets put the lie to that idea pretty emphatically, but the Steelers, at 9-3, remain a good football team. What I need today -- what we all need, those of us not aligned with the forces of darkness -- is for them to be great. I need them to live up to their early season promise and put the boots to the goddamned New England Asshats. It's getting late. Consecutive 3-point wins against shit-ass teams notwithstanding (one of which was stolen by way of horrific officiating) Belichick's Bastards are closing in on perfection and someone needs to step up and stop them. I'm here to tell you it ain't gonna be the Jets next week, and I'd rather not leave the task in the baby-soft hands of Eli Manning either. So, Steelers? You're up. Rise to the occasion, please.
Our television lineup this week features Giants at Eagles on FOX opposite Chargers at Titans on CBS at 1:00 PM. Good background games for assembling and decorating our X-Mas tree. At 4:00 PM, CBS gives us Steelers at Hatriots. The Jets aren't on the tube today, but at 3-9 I can't be bothered to trudge out to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch them. I'll just keep one eye on the helmets going back and forth on the laptop while we watch Pittsburgh derail Belicheat's quest for perfection. Tonight, the Saints take on the Falcons in the "Meh" Bowl. Good matchup to spool down to.
Tags: NFL
Vande Rose Applewood Smoked, Dry-Cured Bacon: Great texture to this bacon. Crunchy around the edges, meaty and juicy in the center. There's a good deal of fat present, but it's sort of blended into the overall cut. There are none of the giant, isolated knobs of fat you often get with run-of-the-mill bacon. In terms of flavor, the smokiness is palpable in every bite and there's a nice sweetness in there as well. A superb effort all around. Rating: 4.0 Pigs out of 5.
Update: The one knock on this bacon? The entire package only contained about nine slices. I mean, come on. That's just an appetizer by my standards.
Tags: bacon
Executive Summary: One truly kick-ass car chase surrounded by almost two-hours of yawn-inducing blahdy-blah.
Thoughts: Two things prompted me to queueueue up Bullitt on Netflix: 1.) Ford's release of their Bullitt-inspired Mustang package, which is wicked cool, and 2.) Sheryl Crow's Steve McQueen, which has been on my Favorite Song List for over a year.
Well, let me tell ya, the myth invoked by those two cultural nods is a lot bigger than the man.
Seriously, what kind of "renegade cop" wears a friggin' cardigan?
I went into this expecting sheer awesomeness. Frank Bullitt was supposed to be the template for Harry Callahan, Paul Kersey, John McClane, and every other über Bad Ass cop we've ever seen. Instead, he was total milquetoast. I can't remember him throwing a punch or, for that matter, drawing his gun. Of course, one or both of those may have happened while I was nodding off due to sheer boredom.
The movie's sole saving grace was the astounding array of awesome cars. In addition to Bullitt's highland green 1968 Mustang Fastback, there was the equally awesome triple-black '68 Charger R/T that played a starring role in the movie's signature chase scene. All throughout the movie, however, we were treated to a backdrop of automotive gorgeousness. Muscle cars, big-ass sedans, plus a whole bunch of the flat-bodied cruisers that my wife adores. If nothing else, the movie was a window onto an era that was the aesthetic pinnacle of great American car making.
But, as an "action" movie? Exceedingly lame.
Rating:
Tags: Bullit
Ho-Ho-Ho-Fucking-HO, Peeps! The Toast household is ringing in the X-Mas season! Tracy and I are putting up our tree and our outside lights this weekend. Also looking to get started on the X-Mas cards. It's quite the bit of work, all told, but we've got a fresh bottle of Cap'n Morgan's Spiced Rum and a half gallon of egg nog, so we are good to go. I may even throw some logs in the fireplace and light 'em up just to complete the mood. Of course no weekend would be complete without a little blogging action, so while we're about our business I think I'll just have to crank out some Slices of Toast!
I kicked off my X-Mas shopping weekend by purchasing a gift for... Me! Yes, yes, I know, not quite the way these things are supposed to work, but I had to do it. My eight-year-old Altec Lansing computer speakers finally shit the bed, you see, and given the amount of time I spend driving this desk here while listening to music, replacing them was priority 1-A. So what'd I get? Glad you asked. I hooked myself up with Bose's Companion 2 Series. I fucking love Bose. They are the Grand Masters of getting great sound out of the smallest possible package. These puppies here, for example, are putting out an amazingly rich, deep, and room-filling sound for a pair of tiny speakers that aren't even augmented by a subwoofer. I mean, seriously, Bret Michaels' voice has never sounded so awesome. Oh, and only a hundred bucks. Not bad at all.
Jesus H. Christ on a Segway, did I actually say of Mike Huckabee that "He appears to actually give a shit about his fellow human beings"? Did I say that "He's not your typical Winger jackass"? Please, someone tell me I did not say those things. 'Cause man is he turning out to be fucking douchebag:
Mike Huckabee once advocated isolating AIDS patients from the general public, opposed increased federal funding in the search for a cure and said homosexuality could "pose a dangerous public health risk."
As a candidate for a U.S. Senate seat in 1992, Huckabee answered 229 questions submitted to him by The Associated Press. Besides a quarantine, Huckabee suggested that Hollywood celebrities fund AIDS research from their own pockets, rather than federal health agencies.
Yeah, there's a man who reeks of compassion. And, of course, this revelation comes on top of the whole DuMond thing. Yeah, you know, the story about how Huckabee strong-armed a parole board into releasing a rapist asshole on the grounds that a group of batshit-insane Clinton haters thought Big Bad Bill had railroaded him, and then the guy gets out and murders two people. Nice.
Somebody smack me the next time I give any Republican politician the benefit of the doubt about anything whatsoever, OK? Just hit me. It's for my own good.
ESPN Magazine has their annual NEXT issue on the newsstand this week. That's the issue where they highlight athletes who, based on reader voting, are supposed to be the Next Big Thing in their sports. So who's on the cover? Joba! That's right, the Yankees' Joba Chamberlain -- Emperor of the Eighth Inning, Slayer of Sluggers, Dealer of Destruction -- was voted the king of NEXT. OK, I know it's just a stupid reader poll, but it got Joba on the cover of The Magazine, so I'm just tickled. Oh, and guess who also made the NEXT Top Five? That would be one Brandon Roy of the Portland Trailblazers. I'm tellin' ya, things in the world of Toast Teams are lookin' up. Now if only Kellen Clemens qualified as a member of Team NEXT. Alas, where he's concerned, I've got a feeling it might be more like "Um, Next?"
Uh oh. The Rum Ninjas are afoot...
OK, so let's say you're a biologist. And let's say you work at Woods Hole Oceanographic Institute down on beautiful Cape Cod, one of the most prestigious gigs that a person in your line of work could hope to land. Further, just for the sake of argument, let's say that you and your colleagues are studying how marine life adapts to chemical contaminants by examining "[biological] mechanisms from a comparative/evolutionary perspective." Got all that?
Now let's say you write your boss a letter and tell him you don't believe in evolution and that you don't want to participate in the "evolutionary aspects" of the work his lab is doing.
What do you figure the outcome of that exchange is going to be?
Well, if you're this idiot, you think that's a perfectly acceptable thing to say and that everything should be just hunky fucking dory. In fact, when your ass instead gets fired for being the kind of jerk who thinks superstitious bullshit is more important than the foundational theory of his academic discipline, you get so incensed that you sue your former employer for a cool half million dollars.
That, my friends, is some serious chutzpah.
I've been wanting to pass along this excellent interview with Thomas Hartmann, author of Cracking the Code: The Art and Science of Political Persuasion. The way it's pitched, it sounds like another boring discussion on "framing". Trust me, it gets way more interesting than that. I don't think Hartmann had ever really registered with me before, but based on this discussion alone I'd consider buying his book. If you've got twenty minutes to spare, check it out.
This might be the greatest rendition of a classic Christmas song ever. Fucking awesome. And yeah, Twisted Christmas is a real album. I just downloaded "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" and "I'll Be Home For Christmas" with guest vocalist Lita Ford. Fuck, if I get drunk enough tonight I might buy the rest of it.
Tags: X-Mas, Bose, Mike Huckabee, Joba Chamberlain, Rum Ninjas, creationist imbeciles, Thomas Hartmann, Twisted Fucking Sister
From today's New York Times:
MANAMA, Bahrain, Dec. 8 -- Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates declared today that Iran is a grave threat to regional security, even without nuclear weapons, and called on Tehran to account for the full range of intelligence describing its support for terrorism and instability around the world.
We need a BIG SCARY ENEMY, bitchez! Nukes or not, you're IT!
Tags: Iran
Something tells me Bears at Redskins isn't going to generate a whole lot of interest, but what the hell, I'll toss this out here just in case.
Tags: NFL
So, yesterday, I got one of those unsolicited "Hey, I like your blog, please link to me!" emails from a dude who runs a blog called BayAreaKicks. Normally, I just write things like this off as a nuisance of the blogging trade and delete them, but in this case I feel I must pass the link along. Why, you ask? Because you absolutely gotta click through and check out some of the funkiest footwear you've ever seen. Hmmmmmm. I'm thinking maybe the "Greedy Genius Phantom" for me and the "Saucony Courageous x Double Hard DJ Hazime" for Tracy...
Tags: sneakers
Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you to please bow your heads for a moment of respectful silence. Rob Salkowitz, wordsmith extraordinaire and thinker par excellence, is shuttering Emphasis Added. With his book Generation Blend due out in March, Rob's decided to officially retire EA so he can focus on a new website dedicated to the book's theme of generational attitudes toward technology. While I'm certain this new endeavor will be immensely successful, part of me is going to miss his old haunt with its cool, Sandman-esque graphics, lively commenter brigade, and regular clinics on how to craft an ass-kicking argument on nearly any topic. Alas, all good things, yadda yadda. Best of luck with the book release and the new site, my friend. You're guaranteed at least one regular reader.
Tags: Rob Salkowitz
Mitt Romney, in a bid to quell concerns about his Mormon faith, gave a big speech on religious tolerance today and in so doing revealed his master strategy for rallying the religious right to his side: Beat up on nonbelievers.
A few lowlights from Mitt's offensive oration, along with my commentary on same:
"Freedom requires religion just as religion requires freedom. Freedom opens the windows of the soul so that man can discover his most profound beliefs and commune with God. Freedom and religion endure together, or perish alone."
Putting aside that "windows of the soul" babble, this is borderline incoherent. In what conceivable sense does "freedom" require religion? In fact, wouldn't making religious observation compulsory -- that's what "required" indicates -- kinda put a dent in the whole concept of "freedom"? If I'm not free to be non-religious, I'm not free, period. Of course, what I imagine Mitt really means is that freedom requires morality, lest we all run amok raping and killing each other. He then makes the mental jump to morality requiring religion, dropping the middle man in his speech. Well, sorry, Mr. Romney, but a few thousand years of human history have conclusively proven that religion is no guarantor of "moral" behavior. Quite the opposite relationship often prevails.
"Our greatness would not long endure without judges who respect the foundation of faith upon which our constitution rests."
Any judge who believes the Constitution rests on a foundation of faith should be immediately disrobed. The founders built the constitution on a foundation of reason, not faith. The men who framed this nation's system of government were primarily Deists -- which is about as close to materialistic atheism as you can get without cutting the cord entirely -- and in any event, they stood out not due to their religious creeds, but to the preponderance of rationalists and naturalists among their number.
"No candidate should become the spokesman for his faith. For if he becomes president he will need the prayers of the people of all faiths."
Really? Why? I mean, if you truly believe in your Mormon faith, then why on Earth would you ask for the prayers of members of other religions? Surely, since their beliefs are in substance different from your own one true faith, their prayers will not reach the Creator's ears.
Seriously, as Atrios is fond of pointing out, this whole "People of Faith" notion, wherein differences in theology are arbitrarily discarded, is just such disingenuous stupidity, such noxious garbage. Were I a believer, I'd find it quite insulting, actually.
"No religion should dictate to the state nor should the state interfere with the free practice of religion. But in recent years, the notion of the separation of church and state has been taken by some well beyond its original meaning. They seek to remove from the public domain any acknowledgment of God. Religion is seen as merely a private affair with no place in public life. It is as if they are intent on establishing a new religion in America--the religion of secularism."
Religion as a private affair with no place in public life? Where did we get that crazy idea?!
"Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between man and his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legislative powers of government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between church and State." -Thomas Jefferson, letter to Danbury Baptist Association, CT., Jan. 1, 1802
Oh yeah. Right.
None of this, of course, is shocking. It's merely a continuation of a time-honored conservative tradition: If you need to ally yourself with a wary or unwilling partner whose interests are divergent from your own, the best way to do it is to find an Out group that both of you can piss on together as a bonding experience. It's the same strategy the Republican Party puts in motion every time they use race baiting or gay bashing to get lower-class whites to vote against their own economic interests and put conservatives in office. Romney's just re-purposing it in order to make common cause with members of a more mainstream Sky God cult than his own.
Still, merely understanding the strategy doesn't make it any less infuriating. Why, even the mild-mannered Kevin Drum is seething:
I can't tell you how much this pisses me off. I'm well aware that this is par for the course among Republican politicians these days, and Romney is doing nothing more than engaging in what's become routine conservative disparagement of those of us who aren't religious. But the cowardice and pandering here is just phenomenal. Not only does Romney not have the guts to toss in even a single passing phrase about the nonreligious, as JFK did, he went out of his way to insist that "freedom requires religion," that no movement of conscience is possible without religion, and that judges had better respect our "foundation of faith" lest our country's entire greatness disappear. And that was just the warmup.
I know, I know. He's just doing what he has to do. Evangelical base and all that. But I'm not religious, and yet, mirabile dictu, I still manage to support freedom, have a conscience, and understand the law. It's repellent to suggest otherwise.
Indeed it is.
Tags: religion, Mitt Romney
This morning, a Winter ritual returned: The Starting of the Car Engines Five Minutes Prior to Departure for Work. Generally, we get in the habit of doing this -- and by "we" I mean "I", as this falls under the category of Husbandly Duties -- whenever it's below freezing. That mark passed by a week or so ago, but it wasn't until this morning, with temps hovering in the mid teens, that we remembered the joy of a pre-warmed car. With that, Winter is officially upon us.
Oh, and can I just point out one more reason that the SmartKey system is awesome? No more having to take off my gloves and fumble around in my coat pocket for my keys when I head into the office. Just get out of the car, close the door, and push a button. Sweet.
Tags: Winter
The idea that Right mirrors Left can never have enough debunking applied to it, so here's another squirt of that powerful juice: Former Bush White House counselor Dan Bartlett on his crew's relationship with right-wing bloggers:
Q: [W]hat if Hugh Hewitt called?
Bartlett: That's when you start going, "Hmm . . ." Because they do reach people who are influential.
Q: Well, they reach the president's base.
Bartlett: That's what I mean by influential. I mean, talk about a direct IV into the vein of your support. It's a very efficient way to communicate. They regurgitate exactly and put up on their blogs what you said to them. It is something that we've cultivated and have really tried to put quite a bit of focus on.
Isn't that just like the Lefty Blogosphere? Don't we just regurgitate what the Democratic Party tells us to? Yeah, 'cause right equals left, baby.
Wingers are stupid Tools. Lefties are smart and independent. A few facts to remember about the Political World we live in.
Tags: stupid wingers
Last thirteen:
Ministry - "Dream Song" (The Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Taste)
"I had like no fan or anything"R.E.M. - "Star 69" (Monster)
"What you've done is Ignoramus 103"Camper Van Beethoven - "Paid Vacation: Greece" (Telephone Free Landslide Victory)
(instrumental)Alice In Chains - "I Can't Remember" (Facelift)
"Down your throat and steal your energy"Cracker - "Get Off This" (Kerosene Hat)
"If you wanna change the world shut yer mouth and start to spin it"Pearl Jam - "Spin The Black Circle" (Vitalogy)
"When I lay down your crooked arm"Nirvana - "Pennyroyal Tea" (In Utero)
"Cherry flavored antacids"Alice Cooper - "Muscle Of Love" (Alice Cooper's Greatest Hits)
"Lock the door in the bathroom now"Tripping Up The Stairs Set - "Mrs. Ferris Pighouse Collection"
(instrumental)Alice In Chains - "No Excuses" (Jar Of Flies)
"Got no patience to search for peace of mind"Metallica - "My Friend of Misery" (Black Album)
"They say the empty can rattles the most"Mötley Crüe - "She Goes Down" (Dr. Feelgood)
"It's like connecting the dots"Beck - "Readymade" (Odelay)
"My bags are waiting in the next life"
Tags: music
In case you didn't know and weren't planning to celebrate, December 5th is Repeal Day, the anniversary of the formal ratification of the 21st Amendment to the Constitution which, repealing Prohibition, thus allowed each of us the opportunity to challenge our own constitutions on a regular basis. Be sure to raise a glass or six today in honor of all the men and women whose tireless efforts 74 years ago restored to us one of our most precious rights.
Tags: Repeal Day, great moments in American history
Andy Pettitte is coming back to the Bronx for one more year. Not only is this outstanding news in its own right, but it gives the Yankees a little more breathing room in their pursuit of Santana. If I'm Hank Steinbrenner, I tell the Twins -- who were reportedly "underwhelmed" by the offer of Hughes and Melky -- that Hughes is off the table. They can take Kennedy and Melky or, alternatively, they can go fuck themselves. Pettitte, Joba, Hughes, Wang, Kennedy? I'll happily take that for our rotation.
Update: For the non-Yankee fans in the room who might be understandably perplexed at my reticence to move an unproven kid for (arguably) the best pitcher in baseball, I'll let NoMaas explain:
Like many of you, we were absolutely crushed when we saw the reports of Phil Hughes being offered to the Twins. It was like someone ripped our heart out and showed it to us before we collapsed to the ground. It's tough to remain objective when it comes to Phil Hughes. For the past several years, we have watched him go from draft pick to the best pitching prospect in baseball.
For us, it's more than that though. After nearly a decade of ignoring the farm system, Hughes became symbolic to many Yankee fans. He served as the biggest sign that the madness and inefficiency which ran rampant through this organization was coming to an end. No longer would the strategy focus on acquiring immovable contracts of players whose production didn't justify their cost. We heard terms from the front office that we hadn't been used to hearing -- like "cutting payroll", "roster flexibility", "youth movement", and "developing from within." In just a few short years, the Yankees went from having a joke of a farm system to one of the best in all of baseball. It was a breath of fresh air, and Hughes was at the forefront of the "new Yankee way."
Oh, and another thing. I'm not happy with the organization's decision to include Hughes in their offer to Minnesota, but I still have to say I'm lovin' me some Hank Steinbrenner:
"How can I go any higher?" Steinbrenner said. "What do they want -- Hughes, Kennedy and Cabrera? I can't do that kind of thing. It's crazy. It's suicidal. In the past 20 or 30 years, teams have always asked more from the Yankees than they have of anybody else, and that's going to stop. I've made the best offer Minnesota is going to get, and the fact is, it's an offer we can go away happy and they can go away happy."
You tell 'em, Boss.
Tags: Yankees, Andy Pettitte
6:40 PM: I hate this Hummer commercial. "Scale 60% Grade", "Clear 24" of Water", "Traverse 40% Side Slope". Um, and that stuff is all really important, 'cause you never know when you're going to have to drive up a mountain in the middle of a flood on the way to work. Lamest brand in the universe, hands down.
3:57 PM: Touchdown! Leon Washington! J! E! T! S! JETS! JETS! JETS! If you'd told me the Jets would score 40 points today, I would have laughed in your face.
3:30 PM: Holy shit, another pick for Beck. Five turnovers on the day for the fish. I know the Jets are a bad team, but these Dolphins are demonstrating just how much worse a football team can be.
3:25 PM: Touchdown! Thomas Jones! J! E! T! S! JETS! JETS! JETS! Wait, was that his first TD of the year? Feels like it. Update: OMFFSM, it actually was. Week thirteen, and our Feature Back sees end zone for the first time. Incredible.
2:15 PM: Touchdown! Kellen Clemens to Brad Smith! J! E! T! S! JETS! JETS! JETS! You know, for a game billed as the Ineptitude Bowl, this has actually been fairly watchable so far.
11:00 AM: Q: How bad does your team have to be in order for them to be getting a point from an 0-11 opponent?
A: 2007 New York Jets bad.
That's where the line stood last time I checked. The hapless, winless Miami Dolphins were 1-point favorites over the 2-9 Jets. Pretty incredible. It might be possible to sink lower than that, but I'm not sure how. And the bitch of it is, I think the line is right. Cotchery is out this week, Coles is expected to play but is still hobbled, and Kellen Clemens has looked pretty atrocious so far. The Dolphins, who might well look at this as their only chance to avoid going 0-16, could easily take advantage of a Jets offense that can't get out of its own way and win this game on a couple of defensive scores. Makes me wish we were getting the Colts game at 1:00 PM instead. But we're not. Here's our lineup:
1:00 PM: Jets vs. Dolphins on CBS, Seahawks at Eagles on FOX. No joy there. I will be praying to the Network Gods for frequent game breaks.
4:00 PM: Giants at Bears on FOX. Let's see if Eli can recover from his woeful performance against the Vikes.
Tonight we've got Cincinnati at Pittsburgh. Excuse me while I stifle a yawn. And tomorrow, the Patriots, favored by a 21-point line that doesn't seem nearly big enough, head down to Baltimore for a light scrimmage.
Not the best week the NFL has ever had on offer. We shall watch regardless, because we are NFL fans, and that is what we do. (Note: By "We" I mean everyone but Angelos.) Kick back and grab a cold one, people. It's Week 13 on the Virtual Couch™.
Tags: NFL
They say that happiness is discovering a new craft brewer, and if they don't say that, well, they're pretty stupid. Indeed, I was very happy -- pleased as a well-spiked punch -- to discover a mixed twelve pack from heretofore unknown to me Rock Art Brewery. These new kids hail from Vermont, the state which has given us Catamount (moment of silence), Long Trail, the highly esteemed Magic Hat, and many other fine purveyors of suds. This afternoon I plan to sample, for your edifcation and my own, all four of the varieties included in the aforementioned mix pack. Let's get started.
First up, we've got Whitetail Golden Ale.
The Pour: Pouring into a tall, frosted pilsener glass, Whitetail gives us a quarter-inch head of white foam that dissipates to film very quickly. The body is a pale, translucent gold. Carbonation is somewhere between moderate and meager. No real aromas to report off the head.
The Taste: The first thing you notice with this beer is that it's very crisp and clean. I don't think I've ever had an ale that tasted more lager-like. Rock Art lists the malts in this recipe as including "Pale, wheat and torrified wheat". (According to this source, torrified wheat is supposed to improve head retention; That certainly didn't work.) I can taste a bit of wheat here, but I swear the overall effect is more Pilsenery. And no, that's not just because of the glass. There's a certain sourness that sits on the tongue. Not quite Grolschy, but close. The hops presence is all in the aftertaste, which is very dry. The body feels just a tad watery. Again, I'm perplexed by the fact that this is an ale.
The Verdict: Strange little beer we've got here. Not at all what I was expecting. Easy to drink, but in no way exciting. Somewhat lacking in substance. Mainly, though, it's just confusing. "Wait, you said this was an Ale, right?"
Rating: 
Maybe we'll have better luck with the American Red?
The Pour: Rock Art's American Red builds up a half-inch head of sandy-colored foam that fades in short order. The body looks more like a brown ale than a red, mahogany in color and somewhat cloudy. Middling amounts of bubbles. A nice worty scent greets you as you stick your nose into the glass.
The Taste: Mmmmmmm. A deliciously smoky malt flavor hits me right up front here. Makes me want to light a fire in the hearth. The rest of the flavor profile is quite complex. Additional malt notes include wood, almond, and even a hint of peatiness. This is a beautifully Earthy beer. The hop foursome -- Magnum, Centennial,Liberty and Crystal -- rounds out a wonderfully smooth body. Mouth feel is rich and creamy. No slacking on the foundation here at all. It's more than up to the task of carrying the robust array of flavors this brew provides. Aftertaste is medium-long and smoky.
The Verdict: What a delightful beer. As with their pale ale, I think the brewers are off in their designation, but in this case, who cares? I'm buying a sixpack of this next time I see it.
Rating: 
Next up we've got an India Pale Ale. I was trying to go light to heavy, but I didn't anticipate the red ale being so intense. In any case, let's see what we've got.
The Pour: Depositing the IPA in question into a frosted glass, we get a huge head of coarse white foam. Two minutes in, it's still hanging around, having partially collapsed into a clumpy froth. This beer is a very light golden shade and just slightly cloudy. Very robust carbonation levels. Tracy reports a hint of sweetness in the aroma, but I can't detect anything.
The Taste: For an IPA, the hops take a long time to present themselves. You don't really get a sense of them until the aftertaste. The body is disappointingly watery and weak for an IPA. All in all, this beer tastes very similar to their Whitetail Ale. Light enough on the palate to be a lager. Disconcertingly unfinished in some areas. There's not much of a malt presence, and what's there is fairly generic. But, again, the big come down is on the hop side. This is an IPA? Hardly.
The Verdict: These guys are really hit-or-miss, apparently. This beer isn't altogether awful, but as an IPA it falls well short of the mark.
Rating:
Tags: beer
Hell of a good game going on right now between the UConn Huskies and the 19th-ranked Bulldogs of Gonzaga. UConn led until the final second of the first half. In first five minutes of the second half, Gonzaga went ahead by as many as seven points, but now the Huskies have re-taken the lead with nine minutes and change left. I'm thinking a win here might get the Huskies back in the AP Top 25 on Monday. (Nice block by Thabeet!) The game's on ESPN if you're looking for some late afternoon entertainment. (Damn, 'Zags back up by a bucket.)
Oh, you can also talk college football if you wish.
Tags: NCAA basketball, UConn Huskies
Me: "Excuse me, do you work here?"
Clerk: "Yes."
Me: "Could you tell me where I could find Pernod?"
Clerk: "Not familiar with that. What is it?"
Me: "It's like an anise liqueur."
Clerk: [Oblivious to the smirk slowly twitching its way across my face] "Hmmmm. I don't think we carry that. Sorry."
Me: "That's OK. Thanks."
(5 minutes later, finally exiting store)
Me: "Huh huh. 'Anise liqueur'. Huh huh huh. Heh heh heh heh heh..."
Tags: stupid humor
Know what sucks? Yard work.
Know what sucks a lot less? Paying other people to do yard work.
Tracy and I hired a lawn care crew to come by today and dispense with all of the leaves and other Autumnal detritus we were too lazy to clean up ourselves. They are outside now, enjoying this 29° day, wading through a waist-high, 20'-wide pile of leaves. Oh, and one of them is climbing a very tall ladder and cleaning out the gutter over our dormer. I just saw him pass by the window of my warm and cozy office where I sit typing this and sipping my second Mexican Sunrise of the morning. I waved to him.
I can see us hiring these gentlemen in the future. Oh yes I can.
Update: See that pile? Look at it. There must be tens of thousands of leaves in that heap. All slightly different in shape and size and color. All of them unique in their own way. Yet they all have one overriding trait in common: I DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT THEM!!!
Tags: yard work
There's no disputing that Johan Santana is one of the best pitchers in baseball. There's also no disputing that he'd be a major boost to the Yankees pitching rotation. There are limits, however, to what we should give up to get him, and Phil Hughes is too much to ask. Sadly, that's what the Yankees are reportedly offering the Twins: Phil Hughes. Phil Fucking Franchise. Plus my main man Melky Cabrera and another yet-to-be-named pitching prospect. All to chase this year's Big Free Agent.
If the Yankees do this, it will be a refutation of everything Cashman's tried to accomplish over the last three years. It will be a return to the Steinbrenner Doctrine of "Win Now At All Costs". And as good as Santana is, something in my gut tells me this deal will backfire. He'll get injured, he won't be able to handle the pressure of pitching in the Bronx, something will go wrong. Meanwhile, Phil Hughes, long touted as not only the Yanks' best pitching prospect but the best pitching prospect in all of baseball, will go on to become an Ace in his own right, and Yankee fans will have to watch him do it for someone else.
I hope this deal falls through. Hell, I hope the Red Sox -- who have already stirred the pot on this by spreading rumors of a deal with Minnesota in order to egg New York on -- come in with a better offer and take Santana. Because while he's a hell of a pitcher, he's not worth sacrificing the bright future the organization has so painstakingly nurtured.
Tags: Yankees, Phil Hughes, Johan Santana
A little free advice for owners of Hewlett Packard computers running Windows Vista: You want to speed up your system considerably without spending a dime? Disable HP's "Total Care Advisor". Go ahead. Click on it, go into Options, and disable the run automatically at startup selection. Then reboot and watch how much faster everything runs. Trust me, you will thank me for this. I did it a couple of days ago and since then the response times on all the apps I run have been dramatically improved. And don't worry, you can always run HP Advisor manually every few weeks to check for updates.
Tags: Windows Vista, Hewlett Packard