Sun - 9:45 AM: Meanwhile, the Yankees have taken the first two games of their four-game set in Minnesota. They are once again above .500. Now if they could just stay there this time...
Sun - 8:50 AM: Congratulations to Manny Ramirez on his 500th home run. Man-Ram joined a pretty elite club last night when he sent the first pitch of his fourth at-bat into the stands at Camden Yards, and said club will be greatly enhanced by his, um, uniquely colorful presence.
Fri - 4:45 PM: Well, Ian Kennedy's resurgence didn't last very long. He lasted only three innings Wednesday in Baltimore, giving up three earned runs on four hits. And then he went to the DL with a strained muscle near his ribcage and a bum shoulder. My man Pete sums it up:
Kennedy and Phil Hughes are both on the DL 52 games into the season. They are a combined 0-7 with a 7.99 ERA. The Yankees are 3-12 in the games they have pitched this season, 22-15 in their other games.
As somebody who was (and still is) behind the idea of developing young pitchers, I can’t fault Brian Cashman now. But this is pretty much the worst-case scenario.
Yup. The only semi-silver lining is that Joba might get his first start a week or so earlier than expected. Now just watch: He'll get shelled for 20 runs, lose the game, and his arm will fall off.
(sigh)
Oh well. It's May 30th and they're only five and a half games out. Nowhere near Ledge Time.
Tracy and I are off to Boston for the weekend. (Taking the bird with us; Her first trip!) We'll be staying at my Mom's place, breaking in her shiny new television with some Celtics vs. Pistons Game 6 action. It will be the first time the three of us are rooting for the same team, um, well... possibly ever? Yeah, I think so. It'd be a statement if the Celts could wrap this up on the road, and it would help them keep some gas in the tank to face the hated fucking Lakers. Anyhow, GO BOSTON!
I'll probably be posting from up there, but my output will no doubt be more sporadic than the usual Friday-Saturday-Sunday blog splurge. Have a great weekend, everyone.
Tags: baseball
I've been following Marc Ambinder's live blogging of the RBC hearings off and on all afternoon, and with each passing bullshit argument from Clinton's team and from the clueless assholes representing Florida and Michigan I've been driven deeper into despair over the dwindling possibility of settling this cleanly and wrapping things up. Just reading the descriptions of the scene inside the hall made me want to fucking spit. Hillary supporters breaking out in chants of "DENVER! DENVER! DENVER!" and "McCAIN! McCAIN! McCAIN!" Stupid, stupid, stupid fucking assholes.
The RBC did mangage to "settle" how they're going to handle both states. Florida and Michigan will both have all of their delegates seated with half a vote each. Both states' delegations will be apportioned according to the results of the bogus, renegade primaries. Obama will be given the "uncommitted" portion of Michigan's delegates. In total, this will net Clinton a gain of 24 delegates, a mere fraction of Obama's lead. Still, Carl Levin's pledge to continue to work to seat Michigan at full strength and Ickes' remark that Clinton reserves the right to take this to the credentials committee gives me the impression this is far from over.
The fact that any ground whatsoever was ceded to Clinton sickens me. She deserved nothing. Period. She assented to stripping these states of their delegates. She decided to upend the process only when it was clear that she was losing. That so many of her supporters in the party and out in the streets (read this, but have a barfbag handy) refuse to come to grips with this blatantly unethical and hypocritical behavior astounds and revolts me. They are behaving no differently than Bush's partisans in 2000, and their goal is the same: To wreck any semblance of a legitimate process and steal what's not theirs.
I think that team Obama, the DNC, and the RBC in particular are about to be given an object lesson in the perils of "appeasement". This "compromise" isn't going to satisfy Clinton; it's merely going to embolden her.
Tags: Hillary Clinton, Michigan and Florida
Tags: things that are annoying
...apparently didn't do a lot of partying as a young man. Here's Bush, discussing allegations made against him during the 2000 campaign of youthful cocaine use:
"The media won't let go of these ridiculous cocaine rumors. You know, the truth is I honestly don't remember whether I tried it or not. We had some pretty wild parties back in the day, and I just don't remember."
And McClellan musing on the exchange recently:
"I remember thinking to myself, How can that be? How can someone simply not remember whether or not they used an illegal substance like cocaine? It didn't make a lot of sense."
Really, dude? Because I've been listening to your idiot ex-boss for eight years, and that's one of the first statements of his that seems utterly banal to me in its plausibility.
Tags: George Bush, cocaine, partying
I was just scanning my Google Analytics reports, and one lucky user found my site by searching on the phrase "Glenn Beck is a piece of shit".
I really don't think I can convey to you just how happy that makes me.
Tags: Glenn Beck
Ezra Klein on Barack Obama's campaign:
Democrats can't win at politics when played under Republican rules. Progressivism can't prosper when politics is played under Republican rules. It needs to make its own rules.
Barack Obama's effort to do exactly that has been, by far, the most exciting element of his campaign. His policies -- particularly his domestic policies -- have not been half as innovative as his politics. But his willingness to double down on opposition to the gas tax holiday, to battle back on negotiating with dictators, to respond to attacks by pressing the point, has been genuinely exciting. And though he has been confident and even aggressive in all of this, he has not been "tough." He has not pretended to go shooting, or driven on to Jay Leno's show on Harley. He's essentially been making his own rules.
This is one major reason why I'm as optimistic as I am about Obama's chances to change our politics. For years Republicans have been making up "The Rules" -- arbitrarily changing them on a whim as the situation dictates -- and Democrats have tied themselves in knots trying to play by them. That's why we've constantly seen Democrats apologizing for the stupidest little perceived slights but Republicans never say they're sorry for the most outrageous remarks. That's how a cowardly piece of shit like George Bush was sold to the country as a tough guy while purple heart recipient John Kerry got branded an effete poofta. That's why the GOP was able to intimidate the Democrats out of filibustering Bush's Neanderthal Supreme Court appointees and then turn around and filibuster everything the moment they were in the minority. That's why Bill Clinton was impeached for an Oval Office blowjob but a Democratic House Majority Leader refused to even consider launching an impeachment probe against a man who clearly lied the country into a war (Downing Street Memo) and who clearly violated both the law and the 4th amendment of the Constitution (NSA wiretapping). That's why Michael Dukakis climbed into that goddamned tank in 1988 and it's why Hillary Clinton feels the need to talk about "obliterating" Iran in 2008. We have suffered this endless litany of bullshit because Republicans have been allowed to make the rules and Democrats have foolishly agreed to abide by them.
Well guess what? By all indications thus far, Obama don't play that shit.
That's why I'm optimistic. That's why I can't wait for Hillary to get the hell out of the way so we can really get the general election started. Because I think Obama is going to play John McCain like a fucking fiddle. I think by the time November rolls around, ol' Straight Talk is going to be a twitching, frustrated, angry little ball of Not Gonna Be President. And yes, when Obama gets to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, I think he's going to use these very same mAd political sKillZ of his to finally change the game.
Tags: Barack Obama
1. Has any president in U.S. history ever uttered the phrase "commander in chief" more often than George Bush? Insecure much?
2. I know people like to stay hydrated at work, but when did it become normal to carry around containers of water the size of mini-kegs?
3. Does anyone actually watch Comedy Central's Reno 911?
Tags: George Bush, office hydration, Reno 911
(Overheard at the gym)
Me: "I was talking to someone at work today about the Cancer Challenge ride, and he thinks I should sign up for this ride he and some other guys from the office are doing later in the Summer. I forget what it's called. It's something Lance Armstrong does."
Tracy: "The Tour de France?"
Tags: cycling
This is disturbing:
WASHINGTON (CNN) - The Democratic Party is likely to meet rule-breaking Florida and Michigan halfway when it comes to seating their delegates at the national convention, two members of the rules committee said Wednesday.
Such a move may help Sen. Hillary Clinton close the delegate gap with front-runner Sen. Barack Obama but not overtake him, said sources familiar with party deliberations.
(sigh)
You know, in my perfect world, we would not be discussing this. The DNC would have simply stuck to their guns and said "Nope, rules are rules, our decision stands."
Sadly, I don't get to live in my perfect world very often, at least as far as politics goes. For reasons of intra-party comity, one assumes, Howard Dean and company have decided that these rogue states must be "seated"* in Denver after all. Fine. Let's assume Chairman Dean and the Rules & Bylaws Committee have valid reasons for backing down. Here are two ground rules they must obey if any sort of fairness is to be preserved while resolving this situation:
1. The apportionment of the seated delegates cannot in any way be related to the bogus primaries the two states held. I'm not going to rehash all the reasons for this. Voters in both states were told the primaries wouldn't count. I feel sorry for anyone who needs more explanation than that.
2. The apportionment of the seated delegates cannot in any way accrue to the benefit of Hillary Clinton. Understand: She is not forcing this issue as a matter of deeply held principle or out of feelings of solidarity with "disenfranchised" voters; she is doing it to try to win the nomination. If she is given so much as an inch of advantage, she'll use it as an excuse to fight all the way to Denver.
Whether the delegations are seated at half strength or at 100%, it's the apportionment that matters in terms of getting a message across to the Clinton campaign. As a matter of expediency, a simple 50-50 split would get the job done. If they wanted to really do it right, they'd wait until all the contests were over and then split these delegates at the same ratio that the final totals for each candidate tally up to. Either way they'd be telling Her Awfulness "You will not profit from your hypocrisy." And yet somehow I don't see them doing either of those things. I see them screwing it up.
Did I mention that, in my perfect world, we wouldn't be playing with fire like this?
Tags: Michigan and Florida, Democratic primaries
The recent buzz that's erupted around pre-release excerpts from Scott McClellan's harsh new insider's take on the Bush White House has engendered in me some decidedly mixed feelings. On the one hand, anything that further trashes the reputations of Bush, Cheney, Rove, Libby et. al. has to be considered a net positive to our discourse. Yes, most of the "revelations" are no doubt old news to lefty political junkies -- "Bush used 'propaganda' to push war! Film at 11:00 PM!" -- but there are millions of Americans out there to whom the full extent of these miscreants' malign machinations actually remains "news". And, good politics aside, I just can't help but take pleasure in the fact that McClellan is kicking his ex-colleagues when they're way, way down. Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of guys.
The flip side of that timing is obvious, however. Peddling an anti-Bush book now, in 2008, after he's set a mark for unpopularity that may remain unbroken for some time and it's become obvious to all but the most brain-dead BushBots that his policies have led to abject failure is, well, less than brave. McClellan waited until he was swimming with the tide of public opinion and, in so doing, wasted the opportunity to make any kind of difference in the outcomes we've suffered. Compare that to Richard Clarke, who released his insider's look at the administration's myriad fuckups in the War on Terra™ during the 2004 election while the Bush junta was explicitly campaigning on support for the Iraq war. That, at least, took some measure of cojones.
Still, I do harbor a tiny amount of sympathy for McClellan. He always struck me as the kid who fell in with a bad crowd but was too scared to do anything about it. At times, in press conferences, he seemed palpably uncomfortable doing his job, like he wanted to whine to the assembled press corps "Aw, c'mon guys, quit it! You know I can't tell you the truth. Leave me alone!" Contrast that with Ari Fleischer, who could barely contain the smug pride he felt at being able to lie without conscience, or Tony Snow, who was bullying and combative as he fed reporters one line of shit after another. Compared with those world-class assholes, McClellan at least seems somewhat human, so if he can exact some small manner of revenge with this belated confessional, more power to him.
Update: Dana Perino, this morning:
"The book, as reported by the press, has been described to the President. I do not expect a comment from him on it - he has more pressing matters than to spend time commenting on books by former staffers."
Wait, he does? Like what?
Tags: Scott McClelland
FSM damn has it been a long time since I've done beer blogging. How long, you ask? Well, the beer I'm about to review has been in my fridge since December. That's downright embarassing. I mean, come on, Self. This used to be your beat. You gotta represent. OK, enough self flagellation. Let's drink!
The Pour: Glacier Harvest builds up a 3/4" head of thick, off-white foam as I pour it into a wide frosted mug. This persists for several minutes before receding to film. Not much in the way of aromas emanate from the surface of this beer beyond perhaps a faint hint of maltiness. I actually think the frost on the glass smelled more stronly than the beer. The body is a brilliant new-penny copper hue. Very pretty. Carbonation dies down pretty quickly, tapering off until there's just a stray bubble here and there after a minute or two.
The Taste: Robust malt notes predominate as I take my first sip of this beer. I'm tasting honey and dry-roasted almonds and hints of wood. Quite an earthy mix. (Strangely, there's also a slight sour component that's not entirely agreeable and tends to linger into the fairly long aftertaste. It's a minor blemish.) The hop character of this beer works very well for what they appeared to be doing. It's enough to round out the overall flavor, giving the beer a nice, "finished" feel, but nowhere near enough to give Tracy the Hop Face. The body is where Glacier Harvest really shines. Remarkably, it manages to be hefty while also feeling refreshing. Those two characteristics are typically mutually exclusive.
The Verdict: Quite good -- no, really, quite good -- and yet I have to confess I was expecting more. I like Harpoon a lot, but if they're going to test the upscale market with a "single batch limited edition" beer they've got to bring more to the table than this. What they have here is a nice, solid Ale for sure, but if they'd put it in a normal Harpoon bottle I would have drank it down, thought "nice beer" and moved on.
Tags: beer
To all those who have served, past and present, in wartime and in peace, and especially to those who gave their lives in service to their country: Thanks.
Tags: Memorial Day
Mon - 4:15 PM: This just in: LaTroy Hawkins kinda sucks. Seriously, I'd rather see Krazy Kyle come into the game the way Hawkins has pitched for us.
Mon - 3:05 PM: Oh, and can I just say, Darrell Fucking Rasner. Where the hell did this guy come from?
Mon - 3:00 PM: Um, OK, I hate to be a party defecator, but... shouldn't a national Moment of Silence be, you know, silent? I actually almost laughed out loud just now when the dude singing that cheesy song sang the words "Hear the silence fill the air!" Why am I not surprised this was handled by the White House Commission on Remembrance?
Mon - 1:55 PM: Whoa. Yesterday afternoon's win was the first time this season that the Yankees have come back to win after trailing through seven innings. They were previously 0-for-23 in such situations. That's kind of incredible. Hopefully I am hopeful that yesterday's victory is a harbinger of things to come. (Happy, Angelos?)
Sun - 9:55 AM: Holy shit, Alberto Pujols is a menace to society! From Abraham:
"Alberto Pujols needed one plate appearance to decimate the Padres on Wednesday. He hit a line drive off the face of right-hander Chris Young, breaking his nose. Then when he slid into home plate, he broke the ankle of catcher Josh Bard. Both were placed on the disabled list the next day."
Sun - 9:50 AM: I have a question: Why is it that, in baseball, the past tense of "fly" is "flied", whereas in every other context it's "flew"?
Sat - 7:05 PM: I love Ichiro:
"Playing on this team and seeing what is happening around me, I feel that something is beginning to fall apart. But, if I was not in this situation, and I was objectively watching what just happened this week, I would probably be drinking a lot of beers and booing."
Sat - 3:45 PM: Wow, I knew Seattle sucked, but I didn't know they really, really sucked. Wish we could play these schleps more often. Like, every week.
Sat - 7:25 AM: Good news: The Yanks shelled Erik Bedard last night, banging 9 earned runs off of him en route to a 13-2 victory. Bad news: I had Bedard going on both my fantasy teams. Not that that matters all that much. Reality trumps fantasy every time. Still, this was one of those games that made me wish the Yankees were enrolled in a plan that offered "rollover runs"...
Fri - 7:05 PM: Tracy and I picked up one bottle each of "Jorge Cabernet" and "Abreu's Finest Merlot". Reviews will be forthcoming when we get around to drinking them. I'm thinking we'll bust them out for the next Yanks-Sox series.
Fri - 7:00 PM: I don't want to jinx 'em or anything, but I've got a feeling things could be looking up for the basement-dwelling (22-25) Yankees. A-Rod's back, and he's hitting like he never left. Darrell Rasner (3-0, 1.89) has settled nicely into Phil Hughes' spot in the lineup. Ian Kennedy put together his first solid start of the season last night, giving up only 1 run over 6 innings in a win over the Orioles. After getting absolutely embarrassed on Tuesday, the team's put back-to-back wins on the board (yes, that's an accomplishment the way this season has gone) and now Seawful is in town for three games. The process of converting Joba into a starter - absolutely the right decision - has commenced. And, lastly, the effect of the Rays and Orioles being unexpectedly competitive has had the salutary effect of keeping the division reasonably tight. Not quite good times yet, but certainly less bad times.
The Hated Red Sox, 7-1/2 games up on us, in first place, and winners of seven straight, are headed off on a 10-game roadtrip. Given the remarkable spread between their home (21-5) and road (10-14) records, this is a Good Thing. Rivalry aside, congratulations are due to Jon Lester for his no-hitter on Monday night. His is the kind of story you have to appreciate no matter what your rooting interest. I just wish my opponent in BSBL hadn't happened to be starting him this week. (41 points? That's brutal.)
Tags: baseball
"I can't believe it. It is just frantic the way they are trying to push and pressure and bully all these superdelegates to come out. 'Oh, this is so terrible: The people they want her. Oh, this is so terrible: She is winning the general election, and he is not. Oh my goodness, we have to cover this up.'" -- Bill Clinton, speaking at an event for his wife's failed campaign in South Dakota
Yeah, Big Dog, it's all an evil plot. There's a big ol' "cover up" going on. Everyone's secretly scheming against you and Hil so that we can put that impostor Obama up against McCain and lose in November. Got it. Hey, here's a thought: maybe you should get back on your meds.
Update: Jeeeezus! I had no idea Bill would have so much competition today. This is light years beyond unbelievable:
"And now we have what some are reading as a suggestion that somebody knock off Osama, uh Obama. Well, both, if we could." -- Fox News contributor Liz Trotta.
Yes, she said that. And she fucking laughed afterwards. Because conflating a United States Senator with a terrorist and a murderer and then suggesting it would be nifty if they could both be killed is an absolute knee-slapper if you're on FOX.
Oh, and Andrew Sullivan passes along some splendid quotes from some of the Stupidest People in America. Here's one from "Josh":
"He's representing a minority in more than one case. He is African American and he is Muslim. And in light of that...it does feel like we're being judged or pounded down on because we want to carry a gun or we want to wear the American flag pin."
Um, yeah, Sparky. Are you sure you've got the mental horsepower to affix a flag pin to your clothing without accidentally stabbing yourself to death? Oh, and readers, do check out the other two quotes in that post. You will be amazed and astounded.
Tags: the Clintons, FOX scum, stupid people
I cannot believe the audacity of this bird. It's been an interesting slide the last few weeks -- honestly, our ounce of Joy has asserted herself in ways you can't believe -- but this was quite the step. Birdstone was all over my pizza. Loved it; wouldn't let it alone. And so, once again, our bird has proven that she's smarter than Angelos. She loves onions on pizza and she loves the Beatles. I have no proof, but I suspect she's an Obama fan as well...
Update: We've decided to let her flight feathers grow in, and to not clip them. This is a contentious issue with 'keet owners. But our thought is that the bird should be able to live as nature intended. If having her full wings lets her fly away and do her thing, that's her business. Who are we to cripple her in order to make her more friendly? No, our bird can go where she will. And it's beautiful to watch. She flies like a stunt pilot....
Tags: parakeets
If you read one thing today, make it this post by Andrew Sprung at XPostFactoid (great blog name) called "Obama does it...with Integrity". The two candidates are not the same, people, and those of you suffering from the delusion that they are both equivalent politicians are no different - no less dumb - than the Naderites who have for so long made the argument that both parties are the same. Get a clue. Get it now, before it's too late.
Tags: Barack Obama
Memorial Day Weekend! Notwithstanding the fact that Summer doesn't "officially" start until June 21st -- don't you hate that shit? I mean, seasons start when they start, when the weather changes, not on a specific date -- Memorial Day Weekend kicks off warm-weather party time. Also, you can wear white. And we don't have to wear our gi tops at karate; we can wear t-shirts. But it's the partying aspect that I wish to focus on for the moment. For what better way to kick off the fun than... Booze Meme!
Beer, wine, liquor, mixed drinks. Rank 'em.
1. Liquor (whiskey, mainly)
2. Beer
3. Wine
4. Mixed drinks
(This was tough, by the way. Beer only barely edges out wine for me these days. I love beer, but wine is so much less filling.)How often do you drink?
Literally every day. It's a lifestyle. It's as natural as breathing.
Favorite Scotch?
Laphroaig 10-year single-malt Islay Scotch. Nectar of the fucking gods.
Favorite Bourbon?
Knob Creek. The definition of smooth.
Favorite tequila?
Chinaco Añejo. Bartcop taught me well.
Favorite Gin?
Favorite Vodka?
Whatever one I can taste the least. Seriously, Vodka is just a way of getting alcohol into your system quickly. It has no merits beside that.
Favorite Rum?
Appleton's Jamaican rum. Tracy won a bottle of it at Sandals on our honeymoon, so I guess I've got a soft spot for it.
Drunkest you've ever been?
Passed out in a snowbank on Spring Ave in Troy New York. Tried to walk home from Sutters after Paul's famous "If you chug that Long Island Iced Tea I'll buy you another" challenge. Took a wrong turn. Rescued by a bunch of frat guys who picked me up, saw my letters, and returned me to my own house. (Irony: The guy driving the car who picked me up died the next week in a fatal drunk driving crash heading down the very same road I was passed out on.)
Red or White?
Please. Red, obviously.
Best wine you've ever tasted?
Earthquake Cabernet Sauvignon. Tried it at the Mohegan Sun Winefest (best $65 you'll ever spend) and it absolutely blew me away.
Favorite type of wine?
Chianti. Although I really adore beaujolais villages as well.
Favorite every-day red?
Andrew Peace Vineyards blended red (2007: Shiraz, Cab, Grenache, Mataro). For about $6 a bottle, this is a wonderfully full-bodied and interesting wine.
Favorite every-day white?
Don't have one, actually. I lean towards Pinot Grigio, but we just don't drink white that often.
Best value wine?
Sebeka Cabernet Pinotage. At $7.99 a bottle, it drinks like a wine four times as expensive. Gorgeous.
Do you drink box?
Most definitely. Screw the snobs.
Fastest you've ever gotten drunk?
The "Tropical Island" party that ΦΣΚ co-hosted with ΑΓΔ sorority. Stone-cold sober to passed out in 45 minutes. Fridge and Paul had to coax me out from under an endtable in the Formal Room and drag me upstairs.
Longest you've ever stayed drunk?
Four days. Spring Break 1990 in Boca Raton/Fort Lauderdale with the brothers. It would have been nine days but I had to sober up to be designated driver on Wednesday.
Ever do anything you really regret while drunk?
Yeah, sadly. I was a dick to this one brother at the frat once. He was passed out on a couch with his mouth open, and I poured a drink into him. He woke up suddenly and unpleasantly. Choking, actually. And I thought, wow, that was a fucking stupid thing to do. You're a douchebag. Also, I drove a scooter while stumble-drunk in Key West, which was pretty dumb.
Favorite lager?
Corona (with lime, naturally).
Favorite IPA?
Magic Hat's Hi.P.A. Intensely hoppy without being overbearing.
Favorite brown ale?
Newcastle. It is the benchmark in its class. Sidebar: At Holmes & Watson's in Troy, they used to have this comic about Vikings and Geordies settling a war by suppin' broon. If I could find that, I'd frame it and hang it in my house.
Favorite doppelbock?
Samichlaus. (This is funny; I always thought Sammi was a barleywine.)
Favorite Belgian?
Ommegang's eponymous ale. Unfuckingbelievable. And let it be known that there's not a brewer in America that does Belgians better than these guys.
Favorite stout?
Storm King Imperial Stout.
Favorite Winter Ale?
Magic Hat's Roxy Rolles.
Favorite Scotch Ale?
McEwan's. Nothing else comes close in this category.
Favorite Other? (Because I realize this is getting abusive to non-beer-nerds.)
Favorite Brewery?
Magic Hat. Fun and innovative, they produce the widest range of enjoyable microbrews anywhere.
Favorite mixed drink?
Margarita. FSM do I love margaritas. Although I've got to give a shout-out to gin & tonics too. They're my changeup.
Favorite morning libation?
Bloody Mary. Stirrings makes the best store-bought mix (although Tracy has her way of kicking it up a notch). Blue Heaven in Key West makes the best Bloody Mary's on Earth.
Do you suffer memory loss when you drink heavily?
Oh, hell yes. Routinely. It's annoying because I often have to watch Battlestar Galactica episodes a second time since they air on Friday nights. (Well, OK, there are worse fates than watching BSG twice...)
Favorite place to drink?
Kelly's Caribbean in Key West. I feel like I'm in a movie when I drink there. It's perfect.
Favorite sports bar?
Buffalo Wild Wings. Put it this way: I used to love Damon's. Thought it was the best sports bar in the world. But BWW kicks the ever-loving shit out of Damon's. It's Guy Heaven.
Ever consider AA?
No, but Tracy once considered it for me, way back in the day. She's, um, more accustomed to my ways now.
And who shall I tag? Fridge, Kona, Angle, Chemist, and Tracy. Everyone else is welcome to participate as well. I'm not trying to exclude anyone, but I only want to tag people I know have the booze chops to take this one deep.
Tags: alcohol
There are dumb, gimmicky promotions and then there are dumb, gimmicky, and socially irresponsible promotions. Chrysler's latest effort, which has been in heavy advertising rotation for the last week or so, falls squarely in the latter category. See, right now, if you buy certain Chrysler, Dodge or Jeep vehicles, they'll cap the amount you pay for gas at $2.99 a gallon for the first three years. Woo Hoo!!! Cheap gas, baby! What could be wrong with that? Well, how about the fact that this promotion is almost certainly designed to get you into a gas guzzler at a time when you might, for obvious reasons, consider doing otherwise? Yeah, go right ahead and buy that Jeep Commander, Dodge Charger, or Chrysler 300. Who cares that they get 10, 18, and 18 MPG, respectively? Chrysler's got your back, yo! They'll keep your gas expenditures artificially low for three whole years. And when this awesomely cool offer expires, guess what? You're stuck with two more years of payments on that beast. Meanwhile, in all likelihood, gas is up to $5 a gallon or more while oil is teasing $200 a barrel. Sweeeeeet. Tell me, how is this unlike the idiotic schemes that powered the sub-prime mess? Hell, how is this unlike the behavior of a drug dealer who hooks his clients with freebies or cheap goods until they're nice and addicted? Nice job, Chrysler. Because, you know, when it comes to irresponsible levels of energy consumption, Americans really need that little bit of extra help.
Tags: Jeep, gas, irresponsible bullshit
This is The Finger.
This is not The Finger.
Class dismissed.
Tags: the finger
Just got back from a 55-mile ride and I am spent. Simsbury to Granby to Windsor Locks to East Windsor to East Hartford to Hartford to West Hartford to Farmington and back home. The last five miles my legs felt like Pinhead from Hellraiser was pulling them apart with meat hooks. Still, I did it, and I managed -- improbably given how gingerly I took the final 15 miles -- to keep my average over 14 MPH. Now, on the one hand, unlike the 50-mile ride I'm doing for the Cancer Challenge, this course didn't feature a lot of hills. But, on the other hand, I did a full-body workout at the gym yesterday morning and then took a 23-mile ride in the afternoon that featured a kick-ass hill at the end. Bottom line: I'm ready. Bring it on.
Tags: cycling
Keith Olbermann absolutely unloads on Hillary over her reference to Bobby Kennedy's assassination in one of his patented "Special Comment" segments. (h/t: Furious) This one is worth your time, people, especially the last four minutes or so. Olbermann provides an exhaustive rundown of Clinton's campaign scumbaggery, wraps it up in a tight little package of indignation, and then places this latest outrage on top like a bow. It's quite cathartic.
I know it won't matter one bit to the brainwashed Hilldroids out there -- to those who have placed their fealty to Hillary in a place as unreachable as the mental vault where Bush's dead-enders hold their support for him -- but for any reasonable person this should be the last goddamned straw.
Hillary must go.
NOW.
Tags: Hillary Clinton
Sweet FSM in His bowl, I fucking loathe this woman. Hillary Fucking Clinton in Florida today:
"We believe the popular vote is the truest expression of your will," she said. "We believe it today just as we believed it back in 2000, when right here in Florida, you learned the hard way what happened when the votes aren't counted and a candidate with fewer votes is declared the winner."
OK, deep breath... THE NOMINEE FOR PRESIDENT IS DECIDED BY DELEGATES, NOT THE POPULAR FUCKING VOTE. You know that perfectly well, you mendacious sack of shit.
The New York senator made repeated allusions to the 2000 recount and proclaimed that the Democratic party, the party of civil rights, has a duty to count every vote to determine the true intent of the electorate. Moreover, she argued, counting the votes is a simple matter of American democracy.
Wow. Just wow. In terms of un-apt comparisons, reaching for the 2000 election theft in Florida as an analogy to losing a nomination fair and square is, well, it's almost as bad as comparing unconditional talks with Iran to Chamberlain's appeasement of Hitler. It's that wrong. It's that far off. It's that egregious in terms of sheer, wanton demagoguery.
"I have heard some say counting Florida and Michigan would be changing the rules," she said. "I say not that not counting Florida and Michigan is changing a central governing rule of this country, that whenever we can understand the clear intent of the voters, their vote should be counted."
That's not what you said when the DNC announced that they were stripping Florida and Michigan of their seats. I wonder what made you change your mind. Also, I wonder why, whenever you push this issue, every reporter in the room doesn't shove your rank hypocrisy in your face and make you own it.
She avoided criticizing Barack Obama directly, but Clinton tied Obama's decision to remove his name from the Michigan primary ballot to the current predicament facing Democrats in Michigan and Florida.
"I know that Sen. Obama chose to remove his name from ballot in Michigan and that was his right," Clinton said, "but his choice does not negate the votes of all those who turned out to cast their ballots, and we should not let that process rob all of you from your voices."
His choice didn't rob anyone of their vote. The Michigan and Florida Democratic parties (in Florida's case with a healthy shove from their Republican counterparts) took away those votes. Again, you know this. You were fine with it. And now you pander to these people with these delusional rants about what a great injustice has been done to them.
"You didn't break a single rule and you should not be punished for what happened beyond your control," she added.
Nope, "shameless" doesn't begin to cover this dishonest, self-absorbed asshole. Not by a long mile.
Bought that bottle of champagne today. It's chilling in the refrigerator. Sooner or later, Hillary, I'm going to open it, and when I do it will mark one of the happiest moments of my political life: Your demise as a presidential contender.
Update: I can't believe I'm doing this, but... Andrew Sullivan:
How do you respond to a sociopath like this? She agreed that Michigan and Florida should be punished for moving up their primaries. Obama took his name off the ballot in deference to their agreement and the rules of the party. That he should now be punished for playing by the rules and she should be rewarded for skirting them is unconscionable.
I think she has now made it very important that Obama not ask her to be the veep. The way she is losing is so ugly, so feckless, so riddled with narcissism and pathology that this kind of person should never be a heartbeat away from the presidency.
At the moment, I cannot help but agree. How are Hillary's tactics -- fuck the rules, fuck principle of any kind, gimme gimme gimme -- any different from how Bush and the GOP have behaved through this whole long dark night of our national soul?
Update II: Jonathan Chait:
This gambit by Clinton is simply an attempt to steal the nomination. It's obviously not going to work, because Democratic superdelegates don't want to commit suicide. But this episode is very revealing about Clinton's character. I try not to make moralistic characterological judgments about politicians, because all politicians compromise their ideals in the pursuit of power. There are no angels in this business. Clinton's gambit, however, truly is breathtaking.
If she's consciously lying, it's a shockingly cynical move. I don't think she's lying. I think she's so convinced of her own morality and historical importance that she can whip herself into a moralistic fervor to support nearly any position that might benefit her, however crass and sleazy. It's not just that she's convinced herself it's okay to try to steal the nomination, she has also appropriated the most sacred legacies of liberalism for her effort to do so. She is proving herself temperamentally unfit for the presidency.
Yes.
How any Democrat - any liberal - with a conscience can continue to support this woman is an absolute mystery to me.
This Florida speech is bringing condemnation from all quarters, and rightfully so. With it, Clinton has lowered herself beneath the estimation of even her most hard-core detractors. I can only hope that the superdelegates are outraged by this as well, and that they respond by utterly squashing this nonsense. Seriously: It is time for the Democratic Party to stand up and say in no uncertain terms that our fate is far bigger and far more important than Hillary Fucking Clinton's political aspirations.
Update The Last: Via Chait, here's an article from the New York Times titled "Clinton, Obama and Edwards Join Pledge to Avoid Defiant States". Incontrovertible proof of Hillary's unprincipled opportunism.
Tags: Hillary Fucking Clinton
"As I behold his steady deterioration, I sometimes find myself wondering whether Lieberman is all that smart. I used to think of him as kind of a bright guy, but he's drifted into that minimally informed style of pigheadedness that characterizes a lot of the right wing talk shows he likes to appear on." -- Colin McEnroe
McEnroe, for those of you not in Connecticut, is a local AM radio talk show host and, somewhat remarkably given the medium, a liberal. He used to have Lieberman on pretty frequently, but they had a bit of a falling out a couple of years ago over the Iraq war. I get the feeling the above comment might signify a final burning of that particular bridge.
Read the rest of the post. He wrecks Lieberman's foreign policy shit big time.
Tags: Joe Lieberman
There is something perversely satisfying about lifting weights until your limbs start to twitch and vibrate involuntarily and you feel like you're about to deposit your last meal in your lap. It is simultaneously awful and awesome.
Tags: exercise
⇒ I had no idea that John McCain was one of the driving forces behind the advancement of digital television and HDTV. Thank you for that, Senator. Now here's hoping the successful results of your efforts contribute to your defeat in November.
⇒ Slate's Dahlia Lithwick has an outstanding response to the latest over-the-top complaints from Hillary about sexism in the media's campaign coverage. Couldn't have said it better myself. Wait, actually I couldn't have said it at all because, if I had, it would prove I'm sexist.
⇒ I haven't finished George Packer's piece on the rise and fall of conservatism yet (can't wait to get to the "fall" part) but it's really good so far. Worth an hour of your time if you've got it to spare.
⇒ Karl Rove went on FOX News' O'Reilly Factor last night to whine about... wait for it... MSNBC's journalistic standards. Ooops, sorry about your Irony Meter. Hope you had that thing insured.
⇒ Remember how Mark McKinnon, one of John McCain's top campaign aides, said he'd step down from his position if Obama were the Democratic nominee because he admired Obama and wanted no part of tearing him down? He's following through on his promise. Of course, there's nothing unusual about this because there's nothing different or special about Obama. This sort of thing happens every day.
⇒ Ted Kennedy has a malignant brain tumor. My heart goes out to him. Here's hoping for a full recovery and a few more productive years as one of the Senate's few remaining old-school liberals.
Tags: John McCain, HDTV, Hillary Clinton, sexism, conservatism, Ted Kennedy, Karl Rove, journalism
"This is nowhere near over." -- Hillary Clinton, referring to the Democratic nominating process that, for all intents and purposes, has been over for quite some time.
I cannot wait for Hillary's concession speech. It might come in a week. It might come in a month. It might come in Denver this August. But it's going to come. As surely as the Sun rises in the East and Republicans lie through their teeth, it's going to come. She has no chance at the nomination and sooner or later she's going to be forced to admit as much publicly and let me tell you, it's going to be a joy to watch. I assure you, when that sweet denouement finally arrives, I am going to party down. I'm going to buy a bottle of champagne tomorrow and keep it in the fridge for the occasion so that, as she drinks down the bitter taste of disappointment and defeat, I can raise a celebratory glass to the final demise of her campaign. Oh, it's going to be a Moment. I cannot wait.
Tags: Hillary Clinton
Geraldine Ferraro should read this post over at Steve Benen's place on the nightmarish hard-right freakshow that John McCain would like to make of the Supreme Court. And then she should shut the fuck up.
Tags: John McCain, Supreme Court, Geraldine Ferraro
For the second straight day here in the Shire we are enjoying lovelier-than-predicted weather. I like seeing the meteorologists go 0-for-2 like this. Saturday and Sunday were both supposed to be cloudy and rainy and instead we've had blue skies and sun. Verrruh niiiiice. Anyhow, we've got a lazily busy day on tap, filled with many small but ultimately optional chores that we may or may not elect to do. That's my favorite kind of Sunday. And it dovetails perfectly with the bits and pieces blogging style that is at the very core of... Slices of Toast!
How aggravating is it when crap shows stay on television and good stuff gets cancelled? And whose fault is it? The damned viewers who provide the ratings, that's who. Long -- too long -- have we suffered under their tyranny. But this week, two veteran T.V. viewers of excellent taste are striking back. You can call them Toast and Tracy Nielsen.
We got a call from Nielsen Media Research about a month ago asking if we wanted to be one of their survey families, and I couldn't get the word "Yes" out of my mouth fast enough. Tracy and I rarely pass up the chance to participate in surveys of every conceivable kind. She's particularly addicted to sharing her opinions, to the point where she spends a couple of hours a week on SurveySpot. The opportunity to be a Nielsen Family, however, was like getting a call-up to the big leagues. I mean, this is television, people. And our voice is going to matter, if only for a short while.
We started keeping our Television Diary on Thursday and it will run through Wednesday. In an interesting twist, they've made allowances for DVR technology in their surveying scheme. When you sit down to watch something, you mark it down for the actual time you're watching, but if it's from DVR they give you a spot to note the original telecast date and time. I wonder what they do with that information. Anyhow, our stint couldn't have come at a better time. Lots of shows wrapping up this week. We just watched the gripping season finale of Supernatural last night. The Dancing With the Stars finale is on Monday and Tuesday. BSG (amazing this week) and House (first part of a sizzling two-part finish) have been duly noted, as has the penultimate episode of Lost (unfreakingbelievable season they're having). The one-hour finale of The Office will be logged this evening along with Smallville (not sure if that's wrapping up or not). And of course Jon and Stephen show up on every page, as we watch at least one of "the Boys" every night with dinner. Very exciting to have this opportunity to do our part in support of quality T.V. programming.
This picture from Astronomy Picture of the Day truly blew me away. I've always been fascinated by the fact that the natural world manifests the same abstract patterns in so many different places and at so many different scales. Some people take this as evidence of a Designer. I take it as proof that the universe is an orderly place that follows a set of rules we are capable of apprehending and understanding. That's wonderous enough for me.
In the explanation beneath it, the author states "Intriguingly, this abstract shape is much more abundant in nature than suggested by the striking visual comparison above. For example, logarithmic spirals can also describe the tracks of subatomic particles in a bubble chamber, the arrangement of sunflower seeds and, of course, cauliflower." Tracy believes she's found an example very close to home: The swirl on the top of my head. I'm not quite certain it would be a fit for the same mathematical equations that describe Typhoon Rammasun and galaxy M101, but it does meet the rigorous scientific criteria for "swirliness".
"Look into Jesus' Eyes you will see they are closed. But as you continue to look you will see His eyes opening and looking back into your eyes. Then go and be alone and kneel on this Rug of Faith or touch it to both knees. Then please check your needs on our letter to you. Please return this Prayer Rug. Do not keep it."
Um, I assure you I won't be keeping your paper Jesus place mat. Nor will I be returning the card to get my "free cross, blessed by the church" from Saint Matthew's Churches. I will, however, be wondering why, on the same day that I received this Jesus Freakery in the mail, I also got a flier from Geocentricity.com asking "Have Scientists Been Wrong for 400 Years?" (Short answer: No.)
I'm going to assume this is either just a weird coincidence or that the Stupids are ramping up their efforts during an election year. The third alternative, that some motherfucker signed me up for an Invisible Sky Being fan club mailing list of some kind, is too horrific to contemplate. Trust me, if I caught someone doing that they would be in for an ass-kicking of Biblical proportions.
It's seven past noon and I'm still in my bathrobe, drinking my second bloody Mary, with eleven items left to read in my newsfeeds, listening to our second installment of the Irish and Celtic Music Podcast, a bird singing along next to me, a mild need to urinate being offset by the inertial desire to remain in my chair, and just a beautiful Sunday glow enveloping my entire being. Yeah, this is what I meant about our chores being "optional".
I am not lacking in compassion for third-world children in need of financial and/or medical support. Indeed, Tracy and I "adopted" a young Dominican boy via Children International (for only $22 a month - think about it). But I could really do without these ads that have been turning up with ever greater frequency that feature pictures of children with cleft palates. That shit is seriously revolting to look at. Throwing it in my face unexpectedly is not going to make me click on your ad and give money to your cause; it's going to make me close my browser window immediately. Knock it the fuck off.
Could the Clinton clan finally be coming around:
RENO - Former President Bill Clinton addressed Nevada Democrats on Saturday, giving what was less a campaign speech for his wife Hillary than a call for unity, no matter who the Democrats nominate for president.
Clinton told delegates to the convention at Reno's Grand Sierra Resort they must pull together once the nominee is selected "to ensure a victory for the ordinary Americans who desperately need a victory."
"Obviously I have a preference in this primary, but here's what I want to tell you: I think it's important as Democrats that we act like Democrats and make it absolutely clear that once everyone has voted and once the votes are all counted that we're going to be united," Clinton said.
It's about time, Big Dog. Now if your wife could just stop falsely claiming that she's ahead in the (meaningless) popular vote, maybe I'll be able to avoid that primary-induced aneurysm after all...
My oh my, how the Mighty have fallen. How the worm has turned. How the shoe has been transferred to the other foot. Kevin Drum:
I know I'm not the first person to mention this, but the House GOP's newly released "American Families Agenda" is a remarkable piece of work. As recently as two years ago, any Republican document with the word "families" in it would have been crammed full of proposals for parental notification laws, constitutional bans on gay marriage, prayer in public schools, promotion of two-parent families, abstinence-only sex ed, and internet porn crackdowns. But this year? Nada.
The 2008 agenda is remarkable for two reasons. First, the old-school social issues haven't just been deemphasized, they've been completely airbrushed out. It's like some old May Day photo from the Soviet archives. There's a very brief mention of a reward fund for people who turn in porn spammers, but that's it. Unless my code word radar is on the blink, there aren't even any oblique references to abortion, gays, sex-ed, prayer, vouchers, or any of the other usual crowd favorites. You wouldn't know there had ever even been a day when the GOP considered that stuff part of a family agenda.
Second, look at the stuff that is in the agenda. Comp time for workers! Business training for underprivileged women! Health care portability! Anti-obesity programs! SCHIP expansion! If you read the fine print most of these items turn out to be pretty weak tea, but that's not the point. The public face of the party's family agenda is almost pure Democratic-lite technocracy.
This is immeasurably satisfying. To see the GOP be reduced to offering meek mimicry of Democratic and liberal ideas not only shows how real the shifting of the political tide is in our country, it also offers a sweetly potent shot of schaedenfreude for those of us who have spent two decades watching the reverse happen over and over again. But you know what? NO. Sorry, Winger scumbags. You're still the same gay-hating, family-destroying, über-rich-dick-sucking filth you've been all along. And we're going to spend every second between now and November peeling off whatever ill-fitting Donkey costumes you try on and reminding the American people who you really are. By all means, though, keep giving this your best effort. The humiliation will be delectable to observe.
Tags: television, Nielsen families, universal order, Jesus freakery by mail, lassitude, cleft palates, the Clintons, the GOP
Tags: cycling
Sat - 6:00 PM: Kyle Motherfucking Farnsworth. That is all I have to say.
Sat - 9:00 AM: Last night's subway series opener was cancelled due to rain, which was OK with me since I was busy anyhow. Joe Girardi decided to scratch Darrell Rasner's start instead of just moving everyone back like the Mets did. That means Andy Pettitte will take on Johan Santana today. All things considered -- Pettitte hasn't won a game in a month, Rasner has looked solid, the Mets are clearly looking to show up the Yankees by showcasing Santana -- I think we should have pitched Rasner. That way, if he loses, it's "Oh well" and if he wins the Mets look extra dumb. But hey, what do I know? Anyhow, I've got to shower and get my ass (and my already sore legs) out on the bike. Until this evening, then...
Tags: baseball
Let's say that a company is consolidating the 4,000 or so employees it has at one of its campuses from two large office buildings into just one. As part of this effort, the interior of the building everyone is squeezing into is being completely remodeled so as to more efficiently accommodate them. Now let's say that, as part of this effort, you have been put in charge of redesigning the men's rooms. Here are a few helpful thoughts on what you should not do:
You should not reduce the number of stalls in each from three to two.
You should not reduce the number of urinals in each from three to two.
You should not make one of the two urinals a kiddie urinal whose top lip sits below waist level.
You should not place said urinals so close together that two average sized men using them at the same time are bumping hips and elbows, especially when there is ample room to space them out, as evidenced by the 20'-long sink counter.
If the building has no kitchen facilities for employees to use to clean out personal items -- mugs, glasses, French coffee presses, what have you -- thereby forcing them to clean such items in the bathroom sinks, you might want to reconsider installing automatic-sensor faucets.
These are just my own ideas, of course. I've never studied architecture, interior design, or ergonomics, so by all means take what I have to say with a grain of salt.
Tags: Men's Rooms
Tracy does. And so we are off to New York City for the day, where she has a 4:45 PM audition. Wish her luck.
Update: Well, she didn't get on. But we had a great time wandering Central Park, a great lunch at Jean Georges, and, of course, we got the good news that Edwards endorsed Obama. So, all in all, not a bad day.
Tags: Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
There are few things I find more satisfying than a well-executed weekend home improvement project that delivers maximum bang for minimum buck, and this past weekend I completed yet another such project.
See, back when I bought Tracy the set of Circulon™ pots and pans for X-Mas, I got this idea in my head that I wanted to put a pot rack over the sink. The new array of cookware was larger than our old one, and because each piece has a stainless steel base the manufacturer recommends you avoid stacking them so you don't scratch the insides. The result was that we had to use approximately 18 square feet of cabinet space under the stove to store them; a wholly unsatisfactory state of affairs.
Problem is, I couldn't find anything like the sort of rack I was picturing in my head. Went to Home Despot and Lowes and Sears, plus a couple of smaller hardware stores. Looked online. All I could find were the racks that hang a grid down directly from the ceiling, and as you can see from the picture at left, those wouldn't work in the available space. What I wanted was a suitably stiff rod (huh huh) a couple of mounting brackets and some hooks. Very simple.
So wait: Simple, inexpensive, and functional. Can anyone say.... Ikea?
Yesterday, as a mother's day present of sorts, we took Tracy's mom down to the Swedish mega-super-giant's New Haven location so she could shop for stuff to fill her new apartment. Of course, we picked up a bunch of stuff as well, since it's nigh on impossible to transit the maze of bins and display rooms without accumulating a cart or two worth of things you didn't necessarily even know you needed but which, once you get them home, you wonder how you lived without them. We bought pinch cups (little shallow glass cups, about 1" in diameter, used for measuring out small amounts of spices), magazine holders for Tracy's every-expanding Bon Appetit library, a little plastic cup to hang next to the chalkboard door and hold chalk, a basket for storing blankets underneath the living room end table, some trivets, a cheap set of silverware for Tracy to take to work, a hanging metal basket for Gorm (our kitchen shelving unit, which we also bought at Ikea), and quite a few other items as well.
The real find, though, was the pot rack. When I saw that bad boy in the kitchen department I thought "Could this be the one? Could this work?" It had to be strong. I tried bending it and didn't feel any give. It was strong. (If I had managed to bend or snap it, well, it was only $10.) It had to be long. Forty seven inches. Dammit, I never measured the space between our cabinets. I asked Tracy and she thought that was close enough that we should take the gamble.
Long story short, we bought it, got it home, and it was perfect. Took five minutes to install. Hell, it took me more time to find my stubby Phillips' screwdriver than it did to mount the thing.
The result is exactly what I pictured in my head: Pure suspended cookware glory. Every time I've walked into the kitchen since putting it up I've had to pause and marvel at its beauty. Freed up two whole cabinets. Plus, now we get to have our very handsome pots and pans on display. I have achieved Pot Rack Nirvana.
Tags: pot racks
Executive Summary: "Over the Top" does not begin to cover it.
Thoughts: Lets get the things I didn't like out of the way first. 1.) Roger Allam left me cold as über-corporate scumbag Royalton. When he's giving his big "I Am Evil, Hear Me Roar" speech I wanted Speed to tell him "Shut up. You're boring me." In a movie this zanily extreme, you really need a more impressive bad guy. 2.) I thought the fight scene in the middle of the Crucible race was just way too goofy. And why would a family of racing enthusiasts know how to fight like tenth-degree blackbelts anyhow? 3.) I found the first twenty minutes or so, where they're cutting back and forth between young Speed, older Speed, Speed's race and deceased brother Rex's race to be mildly confusing. 4.) I hate chimps. Chimps add nothing to a film. If you're thinking of adding a chimp to your film for cheap laughs, please sit down and have a re-think.
OK, that's all I've got on the negative side. On to the good stuff.
Holy fuck was that some eye candy. In fact, envisioning a candy store is actually a good way to get a sense of the color palette that the Wachowski brothers employed for their big-screen rendering of this classic cartoon from my childhood. Every inch of every scene jumps on your eyeballs like a mammoth bag of Skittles™. It's awesome. Or, as Angelos put it, "sumptuous". Or maybe put it this way: Speed Racer has rowdy sex with your visual cortex. (Actually, if you haven't done so already, check out Angelos' review for the loads of pics. That will give you a good idea of what I'm talking about.)
The plot that plays out is pretty simple: A cartel of corrupt businessman have a strangle hold on the racing world; Speed's dad - Pops Racer - is one of the few independents in the business and when Speed rises to prominence, one particular scumbag, the aforementioned Royalton, tries to sign Speed and absorb Pops' company. Speed rebuffs this advance and Royalton vows to destroy his career and his family. Speed is then approached by the mysterious Racer X and a government agent who are trying to bring down Royalton and right the wrongs of the racing world. Kind of your basic David and Goliath or Elliot Ness and Al Capone scenario. There's also some touching family drama thrown in, mostly revolving around Pops' unresolved guilt after the death of Speed's older brother. Nothing terribly complex here, but it's a more than serviceable framework for the action that plays out.
That action, of course, primarily involves racing. And this is where I've got to place a big "your mileage may vary" flag. To call the racing scenes in this movie "cartoonish" would be giving cartoons insufficient credit for their commitment to verisimilitude. The Wachowski brothers do not merely transgress the laws of physics, they commit felonies against them. So it's not enough to suspend your disbelief; you need to lock your disbelief in a safe, wrap it in chains, and drop it deep in a lake for two hours and fifteen minutes. If you can manage that, you are going to have a ton of fun. If not, you'll probably be irritated by the manifest silliness.
The racers in this movie don't drive their cars so much as wield them like weapons. NASCAR drivers trade paint. World Racing League drivers detail, remodel, and customize each others vehicles, all at speeds that, if I'm converting from kilometers correctly, are around 350 miles per hour. There is much slipping and sliding and spinning and jumping and cartwheeling across the track. In fact I think the average WRL car spends less time getting meaningful traction out of their tires than they do separated from the pavement, which is totally OK anyhow because the cars are primarily propelled by rocket-like engines. Oh, and did I mention the "track"? Remember Hotwheels™? Remember those plastic tracks that you could splice together, twist into loops and all kinds of other cool shapes and then zoom your little die-cast metal cars through them? Remember thinking how cool it would be to see such car/track awesomeness in real life? That's what this was like. Quite the spectacle.
Aside from my gripe about Allam's bad-guy skills, Speed Racer is a well-acted affair. Emile Hirsch handles the title role admirably, giving Speed the right mix of naive boyishness and crazy racer aggression. John Goodman is perfect as Pops. Susan Sarandon, while bringing some flippy-haired MILF action to the screen, is actually a bit underutilized. Christina Ricci plays Speed's girlfriend Trixie perfectly, and she looks damned cute doing it. I've never found Richie particularly attractive because of her disturbingly large forehead, but she's got that covered up with bangs here, so, um, yeah, that worked for me. Lastly, Tart will be happy to know that Matthew Fox totally kicked ass as Racer X (who may or may not be Speed's deceased brother Rex) and she might be even happier to know that he plays the role dressed in what looks for all the world like a leather S&M slave outfit.
One of the criticisms of this movie -- and there have been many as the early reviews mostly killed it -- is that it's too long. I disagree. The opening segments were a little clunky, but the last hour and a half or so absolutely flew by. I guess it seems longer if you're not allowing yourself to enjoy it. And that's the key: You have to give yourself permission to enjoy this movie. Because yes it's ridiculously bright and loud and entirely over-the-top and frequently very, very silly. But it's a ton of fun too, dammit.
A final note: Unless you've got one hell of a home entertainment setup, you should see this movie in the theater to achieve maximum sensory overload.
Money Quote: "It's terrible what passes for ninjas these days."
Bottom Line: A few blemishes here and there, but for the most part a sensational movie-going experience. Piss off a critic and go see it.
Rating: 
Tags: movies, Speed Racer
For some reason, when discussing Hillary's non-existent chances of winning the Democratic nomination, people keep bringing up the subject of the "popular vote". Here's the thing about that: I don't give a flying fuck about the popular vote. And neither should you or anyone else. You feelin' me, Hillary partisans? Try to wrap your tiny little minds around this fact: The nomination is decided on the basis of delegates. Period.
On a not-so-unrelated note, could we please, please, please put to bed this notion of a "Unity Ticket"? Hillary Clinton has demonstrated beyond any shadow of a doubt that she is the antithesis of everything Obama wants to bring to our political discourse. She's a dirty, despicable, no-holds-barred, Rovian mud-slinger who, at this point, is in this race for nothing but her own self-aggrandizement. Adding her to the ticket as VP would instantly negate Obama's credibility with regard to instantiating a new political order. Far from bringing the party together, she would be the poison pill that would kill him in November. Get off it.
Update: Awesome post on Hillary by Wil Wheaton:
[O]ver the last 10 weeks or so, I've gone from respecting to feeling sorry for to actively despising Hillary Clinton.
It's over. She knows it's over. It's been over for almost three months, but she's been moving the goalposts and cynically and cravenly pandering to voters in a way that's not only insulting, but is embarrassing. John Cole frequently says that he can't believe he ever supported Bush, and I can now join him in saying that I can't believe I ever supported, defended and believed in the Clintons.
The thing about all of this is that, with a Clinton victory in the primary about as likely as jumping off the roof of your house and landing on the moon, it's become clear that this whole thing isn't about Democrats or beating McCain (who is inexplicably running for Bush's third term) or saving our country from the catastrophic failure of the Bush years. No, it's all about her. It's about her ego. It's about refusing to admit that she did her best, but voters (except those encouraged by Rush Limbaugh to cross party lines and fuck with our primary) have pretty clearly said "No thanks. You're a good senator, but we want something different now."
It's been crystal clear for weeks, yet she refuses to put party and country over personal ambition and drop out of the race, forcing Barack Obama to not only run against McCain and the Media, but also against her. It's particularly galling, because she can only win if her campaign can force Democratic superdelegates (one of the worst creations in the history of politics) to tell millions of Democratic voters -- many of them first time voters who, like me, finally feel truly inspired by someone -- to go fuck themselves.
Ensign Crusher speaks the truth. (h/t: VMH)
Tags: Hillary Clinton
At long last, Tracy has a blog. The world rejoices.
Tags: blogging
Recognize that line? It's from Iggy Pop's Repo Man, title cut for the soundtrack of the movie of the same name, which is a fucking classic and anyone who disagrees is stupid. I've been pouring quite a bit of stuff into my iPod's empty 40-or-so gigabytes lately, ripping CD's that didn't make the cut for my old 30 GB 'Pod, borrowing from friends, buying from iTunes, and allowing anonymous people on remote, torrent-hosting PC's to "share" their music with me. Last weekend, some kind soul was nice enough to "share" Black Box -- the first eight Black Sabbath albums -- with me, which was necessitated by the fact that I simply had to listen to Iron Man before going to see the movie. But I digress.
This morning, for some reason, I had Hombre Secreto in my head, and that made me think of the Repo Man soundtrack, which made me search my library, and then my CD collection, and finally come to the realization that I didn't have it, which was totally unacceptable. I searched the iTunes store to no avail, but was subsequently able to find a handy torrent of my quarry. (That is my pattern: I buy what's available for sale; I only liberate songs from strangers' collections when I can't find them easily available for quick-and-easy digital purchase.)
"Wait, WE decided?! MY best interests??!!
Sorry, listening to Institutionalized by Suicidal Tendencies. Had to throw that in there.
Oh, wait, Coup D'Etat by the Circle Jerks is on now. Followed in another two songs by the Burning Sensations' excellent cover of the Modern Lovers' hilariously brilliant Pablo Picasso.
Best. Soundtrack. Ever.
TV Party by Black Flag. Let's Have a War by Fear. Good stuff.
Soundtracks are notoriously iffy. We know this. It's rare to get a soundtrack that's solid all the way through. Trainspotting is outstanding in this regard. Forrest Gump is excellent as well, although they sort of cheated by assembling a Super Hits of the 60's and 70's. Repo Man, though, that's the best. It perfectly captures the "fuck you" vibe of early eighties punk. There's not a track here I'd throw away. And man does it bring back memories of my geekily misspent youth. Good times.
And so, at long last, it's time for a new question: What's your favorite soundtrack? Hit me with it.
"Some people try to pick up girls. Get called an asshole..."
Tags: soundtracks
Sat - 7:50 PM: Darrel Rasner: 6 innings, 2 runs, 4 hits. I am starting to like Mr. Rasner.
Sat - 9:10 AM: I have a request for David Dellucci, Mike Francesa, Chris Russo, and anyone else who has a problem with Joba Chamberlain's fist-pumping: Shut your fucking mouths.
Fri - 9:55 PM: Kei Igawa: 3 innings. 11 hits. 6 earned runs. Not a major-league pitcher. Never will be. Move on.
Fri - 4:30 PM: Kei Igawa. If you're a Yankee fan, reading that name just now sent a small chill down your spine. Kei Igawa. See? There it goes again. Am I right? Yep, Kei Igawa is pitching for the Yankees as they open their three game set at Detroit tonight. Kei Motherfuckin' Igawa. The forty-nine-million-dollar mistake, signed prior to the 2007 season because the Yankees didn't want the Red Sox to be the only team that massively overpaid for a Japanese pitcher*, is back in the majors, filling the last slot in our mangled rotation. Igawa has a 3-3 record and an 3.86 ERA pitching for the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Yankees so far this year, which for him is really tearing shit up. It will be interesting to see how that translates tonight against the Tigers' lineup. And by "interesting" I mean "potentially horrifying". (Although, to be fair, he probably can't pitch much worse than Hughes was pitching before getting injured.) In any case, Go Yankee Bats! We're going to need you.
(*Yes, Dicey is doing rather splendidly this year. But still: $111 Million? Well, we'll see...)
Tags: baseball, New York Yankees
On Sunday, June 8th - a mere month from yesterday - I will be participating in Jim Calhoun's Cancer Challenge Ride. This is an annual event to raise money for both the Carole and Ray Neag Comprehensive Cancer Center at the University of Connecticut Health Center and also the Coaches vs. Cancer foundation. Tracy saw a flier for it at the office gym and suggested that, me being a bad-ass cyclist and all (not), I should sign up for my company's team. So I did. I went right out to the web page, checked the box marked "50-mile (untimed)" and started sending emails to family and friends asking for donations, thereby locking in my commitment.
I could have opted for the 10-mile ride, but that's way too easy. I can ride ten miles in my sleep.
I could have opted for the 25-mile ride, which is right in my sweet spot.
But no, I went with the 50. Despite the fact that the last time I rode 50 miles or more was when Wilde and I rode from Troy, New York to Bennington, Vermont and back. That was twenty years and twice as many pounds ago. Hey, I suppose I could have been really brash and signed up for the 50-mile timed event, but I skipped that on account of I'm not a complete friggin' idiot.
This is the first time in over thirty years of riding that I've signed up for any sort of cycling event. I'm sort of looking forward to it and sort of dreading it. It could be fun riding with hundreds of other cyclists. Or it could suck. Depends what sort of riders show up. If it's all cardio freaks with toned bodies and day-glow cycling jerseys riding in packs and drafting each other like would-be pros, I'm going to feel a bit out of place. If there are more everyday Joes there, maybe not so much. I just don't want to be the only fat-ass asthmatic lugging my potato-shaped self through the hills of Connecticut and Massachusetts. I don't want to be the last guy crossing that finish line on Iron Horse Boulevard as the sun sets behind the hills.
(This is why I rarely participate in athletic contests. The only person I'm really comfortable competing with athletically is myself.)
As for the ride itself, barring an accident along the way I'm certain I'll be able to complete it. I've been gradually working up to longer and longer rides, with a 35-mile jaunt around Avon Mountain planned for this weekend. I'm getting my cycling legs back. Also, I had clipless pedals installed recently, and I am shocked at what a difference they make. Being able to actually pull on the upstroke is a game-changer for me. It's like I've got a whole other part of my legs I can use now. And, of course, even if this ends up being really, really, really difficult -- it's a pretty hilly course and there's a substantial (900') climb about 9 miles in -- I can always tap into that grim, stubborn determination that in the past has allowed me to push through physical challenges my body has no business meeting. Mind over matter. Ego over muscle.
You can check out the route here on the incredibly awesome MapMyRide.com. (Really, this site is the bomb. I'm addicted to it.)
Then you can go here and help me meet my fundraising goal. (Only $155 more to go!) It's for a good cause, people, and even small donations will be greatly appreciated.
Update: Well that didn't take long. $500 and counting. Everything from here on out is gravy. Thanks, everyone! You guys are the best.
Tags: Jim Calhoun Cancer Challenge Ride
I read this blogmeme at Angelos' place after seeing it first at Mike's. I was actually vaguely relieved that Mike didn't tag me because this seemed too similar to a bunch of other memes I've already done. But then Angelos declared "If you see this, you're tagged." And so, once more unto the memeech!
1) Ten years ago I was...
Still married to my first wife; Living in Oxford, Connecticut upstairs from a cranky old landlord; Commuting 1.5 hours each way to my job at AMS Rating Services where I worked with Fridge coding insurance rating algorithms; Taking a course in Visual Basic 5 which would later help me get a gig at the same company as a "real" software developer, leading eventually to the well-remunerated position I occupy today; Watching the GOP horde building up to their impeachment of William Jefferson Clinton.
2) Five things on today's tomorrow's to-do list:
Go to the gym.
Continue reading Rich Newman's "Introduction to CAB/SCSF", the single best primer on Microsoft's Composite UI Application Block I've found yet.
Weekly package store run.
Take out the trash.
Drink, but not so much as to interfere with the 30-mile bike ride I've got planned for Saturday.
3) Things I'd do if I were a billionaire (shouldn't this specify a number of things?):
Never, ever, ever work again.
Buy a condo in New York City and a house in Key West.
Buy a bar.
Buy Yankees season tickets.
Give a million dollars to these guys.
Take Tracy to dinner at the finest restaurants in the world.
Take up serious mountain climbing.
Buy a sailboat and learn to sail, then sail around the world.
Buy loads and loads of obscenely expensive single-malt Scotch.
Pay off my mother's condo and pay all my nieces and nephews' college tuition.
Fund Fridge's campaign for Joe Lieberman's Senate seat.
Fund a liberal think tank.
Never, ever, ever, ever work again.
4) Three bad habits:
Leaving piles of mail and crap on the stairs to sort through later on.
Nose picking.
"One-click purchase" binges on iTunes.
5) Five places I've lived:
Melrose, Massachussetts.
Troy, New York
Woodbury, Connecticut
Windsor, Connecticut
Weatogue, Connecticut
6) Six jobs I've had in my life:
Delivery person for the weekly Shopper's News.
Grocery cart wrangler.
Kelly temp.
Cellular phone programmer/installer.
Pizza delivery stud.
Software developer.
I tag Tracy, Tart, and the recently-married Kate.
Tags: blogmemes
Bold Prediction: No matter what happens, we're going to wake up tomorrow morning and Hillary Clinton will still be in the race.
Update: Obama picks up a net gain of 12 delegates after cruising in North Carolina and coming within 2 points of the upset in Indiana. Clinton gives another weak-ass speech vowing to march on until Hell freezes over. At this point, Hillary's campaign strategy is starting to look a lot like George Bush's Iraq strategy.
Tags: Democratic primaries
Over at Slate Timothy Noah has a great idea:
Here's a rule I would like every political reporter, campaign official, TV talking head, and politician in the United States to follow. Go ahead and say, if you like, that Hillary Clinton retains a serious chance of winning the Democratic nomination. If you say this, however, you must describe a set of circumstances whereby this could happen. Try not to make it sound like a fairy tale.
We need this rule. We need it because of shit like this. We need it because every moment the media spends fanning the embers of Hillary's dipshit campaign to overturn mathematical and political reality is a moment that we could be using to discuss the comparitive merits of Barack Obama and John McCain.
Tags: Hillary Clinton
Sun - 4:15 PM: Holy shit are the Jazz white.
Sun - 4:10 PM: Ugh. The Lakers are playing the Jazz in the second round? That's terrible. I mean, I hate the Lakers with a passion, but I can't root for the Jazz to beat them. The Jazz were one of the first sports teams I ever hated, and they've still got that punk-ass bitch Jerry Sloan on the bench. Fuck me. Oh well, I'll just have to hope it goes seven games and the two teams beat the shit out of each other so that whoever moves on to the conference finals gets their ass kicked.
Sun - 4:00 PM: The Yankees just beat the Mariners 8-2 to sweep the weekend series and move back over .500. Darrell Rasner, called up to take Phil Hughes' place in the rotation, went six strong innings, giving up two earned runs. More like that, please.
Sun - 3:35 PM: The Celtics just destroyed the Hawks in game 7 of their first-round playoff series, winning 99 to 65 and moving on to face Cleveland. This game was over at halftime as the C's held Atlanta to just 26 points in the first half. Still, as impressive a win as it was, did anyone see this series going the distance in the first place? I had sort of lost track, so when I saw it noted in the Friday sports section that the series was tied up, I was in shock. Boston was not supposed to have any trouble with those guys. And now they get King James. Yikes.
Sun - 3:30 PM: Paging Oddjob: Tracy wants to know if these are weeds or if they're something desirable.
Sun - 12:15 PM: Kennedy sent down. Good luck in Scranton, young man. Get your shit right and we'll see you later in the year.
Sun - 11:50 AM: Wow. Roger Clemens. Wow. Talk about seeing your "reputation" flushed down the toilet. And not a nice toilet like you've got in your house. Clemens' reputation is currently residing in the depths of a porta-potty in the Yankee Stadium parking lot that hasn't been serviced in weeks. Wow, dude.
Sun - 9:15 PM: I'm a little alarmed that this guy is not only one of the Yankees top prospects but also one of my minor league keepers in roto. Because frankly this makes him sound like a bit of a pussy:
Double-A outfielder Jose Tabata, considered one of the organization's top prospects, was suspended for three games last week and considered asking the Yankees for his release before returning to the team.
A 19-year-old from Venezuela, Tabata left last Saturday's game without permission, fleeing the ballpark after striking out in the seventh inning. That led to a three-game suspension.
Tabata is hitting .186 with no home runs and 12 RBI over 26 games for Trenton.
"The expectations of who I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to do finally got to me," Tabata told The Trenton Times through a translator. "I made an irrational decision. Maybe it was immaturity, inexperience or just that I didn't know how to handle what was happening. I just kept thinking I am not producing the way I should be and maybe I didn't belong here."
Jesus, kid. Take a Valium. You're in AA ball and the pressure is making you crack? Can't wait to see how you handle the Bronx.
Sat - 4:55 PM: Oh, and Mike Mussina is looking pretty good so far this season. He started out rocky but has now won his last three starts to pull even on the year. Hell, at the moment he looks better than Pettitte. It's funny that I thought he was the weak link in the rotation. Shows what I know.
Sat - 4:50 PM: Well, well, well. Two wins in a row for the Yanks. Looks like Seattle was the cure for what was ailing 'em. Oh and hey: My boy Pete, while live blogging the game, said "Brutal outing for King Felix. He just got the ziggy in the sixth inning after allowing six runs on 12 hits, four of them for extra bases." Um... the "ziggy"? What is?
Sat - 7:40 AM: Abrasnark:
Wang is 22-6 after a loss in his career, winning the last 11 in such situations. He's now 6-0, 3.00 this season. But keep in mind that he is not an ace.
Please.
Fri - 5:30 PM: At left is our New York Yankees flag. It's a tradition of ours to hang it up each year on the day of the team's opening game. It's also becoming a tradition to take it down some time in May when the team's early struggles -- injuries, sleeping bats, horrible pitching, shitty record -- have made it too depressing to look at. Last year, when the Yanks hit their absolute nadir around the beginning of June, we took the team flag down and replaced it with our Key West flag. From that moment forward they went on to have the best record in baseball. Speculation about sports karma is left as an exercise for the reader.
Anyhow, I'm walking out of the garage today and I see the flag like this, all twisted up, soaking wet, looking like hell. My first thought was to do what I usually do: Untwist it so that it's hanging properly. But then I thought, no, don't. Leave it exactly like that. It's a perfect representation of the state of the Yankees season right now. Why mess with it?
Here's where the New York Yankees are at on May 2nd of this fine season:
Fourth place in the AL East (14-16), three games behind the first-place Devil Rays. Yes, I said "first-place Devil Rays".
Losers of three straight and six of their last eight.
Jorge Posada, one of the best hitting catchers in baseball, is on the DL with a mysterious shoulder ailment. No idea when he'll be back.
Alex Rodriguez, the best player in the game, is on the DL with a strained right quad.
Phil Hughes just went on the DL with a cracked rib and probably won't be back for at least two months. (Given his 9.00 ERA, 2.14 WHIP, and 1-1 K/BB ratio, this could be a blessing in disguise.)
Ian Kennedy, whose ERA and WHIP are slightly better than Hughes at 8.37 and 2.03 but who amazingly has a K/BB ratio of 4-5, might be on his way to Scranton soon.
The team is averaging .0003681 with RISP. (OK, I made that up, the real number is .245, but it sure feels way worse.)
New manager Joe Girardi is in the process of building a rapport with the media that might charitably be described as "gratuitously bitchy, paranoid and off-putting."
Or, to summarize all of that: Good. Times.
Strangely, I'm not on the ledge over any of this. I didn't exactly expect the team to rock the house this year. You can't realistically hope for a 100-win season with two semi-rookie pitchers in your rotation. It'd be nice to see the offense pull their collective head out of their ass, but I'm guessing it's hard to get into a rhythm when your manager has used 25 different lineups in 30 games. It'd also be nice to see Andy Pettitte get back to pitching like Andy Pettitte. Never expected to see him have two shit games in a row. But hey, whatever. To whip out the most over-used phrase in sports, this team is what it is. And despite their difficulties, I'm still content to watch and wait and see what happens.
At least Chien-Ming Wang is having a career year. (We've got to get rid of that guy.)
Tags: baseball
Hillary Clinton, prior to yesterday's Kentucky Derby, implored her supporters to "place a little money on the filly", a reference to a horse named Eight Belles. Hillary wanted people to bet on said horse to win because, well, she's a she, get it? And so's Hillary? So like, the female horse would win her race just like Hillary, in her fevered imaginings, would win the Democratic nomination? Yeah.
Funny story. Funny as in oddly telling, not funny ha-ha. Eight Belles broke both her front ankles towards the end of the race and had to be euthanized. The winning horse? Big Brown.
Make of this what you will.
Tags: horse race politics
Tracy got this one via email and I thought I'd have some fun and inject it into the blogosphere. Simple concept. All your answers must start with the same letter as your name. Here goes:
What is your name? Joe.
A four-letter word: Just. One of my defining characteristics.
A vehicle: Junk.
A boy's name: Jose.
A girl's name: Josephine. One of the ugliest female names ever. Took a male name and added "ine". Stupid.
Alcoholic drink: Jack Daniels. Neat, please. (That means without ice cubes, young'ens.)
An occupation: Jazz musician. A.k.a. purveyor of random notes.
Something you wear: Jockstrap. Not since youth soccer, though.
A celebrity: Joe Santos.
A food: Jumbo Shrimp. Also an oxymoron.
Something found in a bathroom: Jello™-like substance around bathtub drain. Yeah, it's a stretch. You find a bathroom item that starts with "J".
Reason for being late: Job sucks. Don't want to go.
Something you shout: JOBA!!!!!
An animal: Jaguar.
A body part: Joint. Also a recreational item.
You're all tagged. Every last goddamned one of you. And tough schizzle if you don't like it.
Tags: blogmemes
Executive Summary: A damn-near perfect super-hero movie. Halfway through it I was sitting there trying out superlatives to describe what I was seeing. That's how good it was.
Thoughts: I confess: I was never a comics geek. Never really read 'em growing up, so I'm not your go-to guy on issues like "how true was comic-based movie X to the source material". I have no idea if Iron Man will live up to the expectations of fans of the comic. I just know that, as super-hero action movies go, I thought it was fantastic. I've been jonesing for this movie for weeks - usually a recipe for a let-down - and it actually managed to exceed my expectations.
If you've read any reviews of this movie (and if you haven't, start here) then you've probably heard glowing praise for Robert Downey Jr.'s portrayal of weapons mogul-turned-defender of the little guy Tony Stark. The critics are not wrong. He was absolutely superb. Pitch perfect. Of course, for Downey, portraying a dipshit ne'er-do-well playboy trying to turn around and redeem himself might not technically be "acting", but whatever. He was masterful at executing the turnaround and manifesting the right emotional vector. When he sees the dickhead warlord who was his former captor fucking up the lives of all the innocent villagers of Somewhereinthemiddleeastistan, you believe he's feeling rage. And as the Suit is assembled around him in its final form for the first time, you feel a chill, and maybe a little excitement coursing through your body. (Or maybe that's just me.) If action movies could win acting awards, Downey would be taking home some hardware for this next year.
But this isn't a one-man show. Far from it. Also outstanding in his first role (that I know of) as a villain was Jeff Bridges. You remember him as "The Dude" in The Big Lebowski, right? Well try to picture a character that is the exact opposite of that. Bridges' portrayal of Obadiah Stane, Stark's partner in the weapons business, is believably scary. He's got the Man with No Morals bit down with precision. You actually believe he's going to wax Pepper Potts, and that's something because I honestly cannot imagine the evilest of evil motherfuckers wanting to harm a hair on Gwyneth Paltrow's swoon-inducingly beautiful character's head. Aww yeeeahh, people, Gwynenth is back in the house, reminding me of exactly why I used to think she was the hottest woman on the planet. (She's now the second-hottest. Yes, behind Tracy.) Paltrow, sporting strawberry-blonde locks, gets a fair amount of screen time as Tony's faithful assistant -slash- possible love interest. (No spoilers; See the movie and find out for yourself.)
The pacing of this film is perfect. It's a solid hour of build-up before Stark perfects the Suit and takes it for a test drive, and that time is well spent. His initial capture and detention by the vaguely Islamist Bad Guys, where he first comes up with the idea for his Iron Garb and where he perfects the power source that will help him realize his vision, is very well done. The transitional phase after he escapes and returns home a changed man also comes off just right. These segments tease the viewer, building you up in your seat for the inevitable Moment of Awesomeness. That moment comes when Stark flies his bad self over to Afghaniwherever and wrecks the terrorists' shit. (Come on now; that was not a spoiler.) I swear, I was damned near levitating in my seat by the time that scene hit. I haven't been that giddy since Neo first got his badass on in The Matrix. My only complaint - and it's a small one - is that there wasn't at least one more Iron Man being Iron Man scene like that before the showdown/denoument between Stark and Stane. But hey, that's what sequels are for, no?
As to the special effects, they too were spot on. I don't know what the CGI guys did this time around, but I felt like I was watching a guy in a kick-ass cybernetic exoskeleton as opposed to, let's say, a pretty cool but obviously not real computer-graphic rendering of a guy in a kick-ass cybernetic exoskeleton. If you know what I mean.
Money Quote: "Give me a Scotch, I'm starving."
Bottom Line: Drop whatever you're doing and Go See This Movie.
Rating: 
There comes a time on Saturday morning where you have to acknowledge the truth. No, you will not be going out on your bike. (It's 45° and wet.) No, you won't be getting chores done. No, you won't be accomplishing much of anything. What you'll be doing is sitting in front of your computer, staring somewhat vacantly at your newsreader waiting for brain candy to show up, maybe listening to Twisted Sister on iTunes, maybe drinking a humongous mug of coffee Mexicano*. And by this time it should be clear that by "you" I mean "me". So yeah, I can't see no reason not to crank up the toaster and smoke up some Slices of Toast!
Def Leppard was the musical guest on the Dancing With The Stars results show this past Tuesday. OK, fine, let's get this over with first: DWTS is one of the most entertaining shows on television. It is outstanding. Ballroom dancing is one of the most spellbinding physical endeavors humankind has ever invented. And it's a ton of fun to watch amateurs attempt to master it. And if you disagree with any of that then, well, you're just stupid. There. That's over with. Moving on.
Like I said, Def Leppard was the musical guest on the Dancing With The Stars results show this past Tuesday. I loves me the Leppard a lot. They are easily one of the best Hair Metal bands ever, and that's saying a lot since Hair Metal stands at the apogee of music. But there are sins you just don't commit in music, and sadly, Def Leppard committed the worst of them on Tuesday.
The band's first number was - predictably for a dance show - Pour Some Sugar on Me. Here's how it went:
0.2 seconds: "Wow, Joe Elliot's voice sounds great for his age."
0.5 seconds: "Damn, that's some great production for a live television performance."
1.0 seconds: "HOLY FUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! They're LIP SYNCHING!!!!"
How do you do that? As a musician, how do you lip synch and ever look in a mirror again?
And guys, really. There are Aborigines in the Australian desert who have heard the studio version of Pour Some Sugar on Me so often that they even think it's tired. And you think you're going to slide that past an American television audience? Like we're not going to recognize it? Please. Just... don't do that again. You're harshing my metal buzz.
While we're on the subject of music, I need to call your attention to something truly horrible that you may not be aware of: The dance-club-ification of non-dance songs.
My company recently opened up a gym at the office, and Tracy and I have been working out there regularly. Nice place. Nothing like that "new Gym" feeling - all the shiny new equipment and whatnot. The staff is great too. Incredibly friendly and helpful. Also, it's never crowded. So yes, New Gym = All Good.
Except for one fucking thing. The music.
Now, I wears me iPod when I work out solo. Got a great playlist that's all heavy metal and angry hard rock. Perfect for pumping the ironses. But on the days when Tracy is with me I shun the headphones so we can be sociable. And on those days I am exposed to what could best be described as "earscrement". Terrible Gym Music. You know what I'm talking about. Horrid garbage that young people who go clubbing like to pollute their brains with. I expect that. I'm used to it. I know it's coming and I deal. I'm ready. Or so I thought.
This "new thing" I'm hearing at the gym is a giant step in the Hellish Pit of Despair direction. You know these songs: Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, Bad Day by Daniel Powter, Hey There Delilah by the Plain White Tees. All good songs, in my opinion, and fuck you very much for disagreeing. But now imagine them as dance songs. The vocals sped up a little and that irritatingly monotonous fucking uniform THUMP-THUMP-THUMP dance club beat behind them. Do you want to puncture your ear drums? You know you do. That is what they play at our new gym. Every goddamned day they've got this mix that is essentially the Casey Kasem American Top 20 remixed as shitty fucking dance songs. I don't know where they got it from and I don't know how or why they imagined their corporate insurance worker clientele would want to be exposed to it. I just know it sucks bigger balls than anything I've ever heard before in my entire life. It is the Death of Music. It is the Negation of All That Is Good in the Ear. I don't know who is responsible for this wanton degradation of otherwise enjoyable music, but if harm were to come to them I would not feel too terrible about it.
Tags: the perils of booze, Def Leppard, earscrement
"The great divide in this country is not by race or even income, it's by those who think they are better than everyone else and think they should play by a different set of rules... In West Virginia and Arkansas, we know that when we see it." -- Bill Clinton, pandering on the stump in West Virginia
It is getting to the point where I find myself horrified that I spent so much time defending the Clintons when this man was in office. It's not that the right-wing attacks on them weren't an obscene perversion of our political system; they were. It's just that I cannot believe how quickly they -- Hillary, Bill, and their whole gang of sychophants* -- turned around and started playing the same game. I feel utterly betrayed.
Do me a favor, Big Dog. Pretend I'm you and you're Monica Lewinsky.
You're a Rhodes Scholar, you motherfucking duplicitous asshole. You, of all people, should not be playing the "elitist" card. Aside from the fact that it's yet another goddamned right-wing meme that's been used agaisnt our party for most of my life, it's just plain bullshit. Being smart, being informed, being open-minded - these are bad things for our country and our party? I'm thinking you did inhale after all. Hey, no problem though. By all means, you go right ahead and shore up the Stupid Poor White vote, which at this point is your wife's best chance to drag this process out all the way to Hell and back. Because as you've both shown over the last two months, it's not about ideas, it's not about process or fairness, and it certainly isn't about defeating the goddamned right wing. No, it's all about You.
Tags: fuck you Bill Clinton
"Nobody ever mentions the weather can
make or break your day" - Oasis - "Hello"
Dear Weekend Weather: Fuck you too. No, seriously: Fuck. You.
I've been eyeing this weekend's weather forecast since Monday. I'm kinda desperate to get out on my bike as I've got a 50-mile cancer fundraising ride coming up early next month (details later - yes, I'll be hitting you up for contributions) and I'm nowhere near ready for it. I got shut out last weekend by weather and social commitments, but I was feeling up-beat about this weekend. According to the forecast on Monday, this Saturday looked like solid cycling weather - highs in the upper sixties and mostly sunny. Perfect conditions to head out for a 30+ mile ride while Tracy was at work. That plan started looking more and more dubious as the week progressed, however. Our recent streak of craptacular weather just kept grinding on, and the weekend prognosis kept getting worse. By Wednesday the forecast called for highs in the lower sixties and mostly cloudy. And now that Friday's rolled around, that's been revised to mid fifties and fucking rain.
(sigh)
First we get June weather in mid-April, and now we're getting early March weather at the start of May.
Right. Got it. Makes perfect sense.
All the clichés you've heard about the weather here in New England, people? They are absolutely true.
Tags: shitty weather
Hey everyone! Happy Mission Accomplished Day! That's right, today is the fifth anniversary of the day George W. Bush was flown in a navy fighter jet to the U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln, which had been forced to wait offshore so that he could fly to it. It's the fifth anniversary of the day he strode across that carrier deck in a flight suit equipped with a codpiece several times larger than the job of protecting his little pin dick required, giving Chris Matthews a boner in the process. And, of course, it's the fifth anniversary of the day our president declared that "major combat operations" in Iraq were over*.
Five years. My, how time flies.
Or doesn't, when your country is stuck in terrible, pointless, and endless war that your illegitimate fuckhead president dragged you into for no goddamned good reason.
Tags: Iraq, George Bush